Surviving to Eke out Gratitude

My Face My Art - Half FullMonday was one of the hardest days I’ve had in a while. It started off with nightmares that stayed with me for much of the day. I tried to go back to bed to start over but had yet another nightmare. Then as planned, I got myself together, got on my horse (wheelchair) and left the house despite mega pain. I went to the shoe store and cried my eyes out in the store unexpectedly. I had no idea the grief would hit me right there in DSW but it did and there I sat crying in my chair in front of people. I felt like a fool.

Later I went to the post office to send out art only to discover that it was Columbus Day, no mail. That would have been fine except I was already at my max of stress and physical pain. Then later the big worry happened, I fell. Continue reading “Surviving to Eke out Gratitude”

The Invisible Life

Masked, vulnerability, strength, endurance, determination, ambiguity, helpless, small, insignificant, rock hard, aggressive, assertive, grief, please see me, invisible, property, youth, old soul, wise soul, lava of the mind, focus.

Faith

DID. Anxiety. Art.

away 2 fmaI was thinking about how many doctors have told me my body is resistant to treatment. Hearing that in my head made me think, well, if that’s the case then I’d better get to moving along before this treatment is rejected. At this time I’m able to leave the house. This treatment allows me to be 50% of who I used to be, which gives me 50% to work with until my body rejects it.

I’ve been switching personalities quite a bit lately. I have such strong feelings of uncertainty. Strangely enough, my schedule is more stable than it’s been in a long time, yet my focus is off, my ability to concentrate and complete one task is difficult.

Salt fma

away 1 fmaI scheduled a tea party with Red but forgot Snow is coming over that day. I do need Snow’s help. I need help getting my bed made and getting some laundry done.

I got out for a walk the other day and found some more moss for my 12 x 12 moss garden. I’m having a blast doing this. I like to watch things grow. I have grow lights.

Anxiety is intense right now. I want to get up, get my drawing pad and scribble some. I want to lay in the fetal position and rock. I want to go deep in my head where it might be quiet and where this anxiety isn’t so intense. Continue reading “DID. Anxiety. Art.”

Sangria and Me

Sangria “Sangria” stands in my Etsy shop full of surrealism and color. The terracotta tone woman with blue hair thinks nothing of the raven that flew in the door. Why should she, after all, she’s got a house inside a house, evergreen trees shaped like arrows and large sunflowers coming from who knows where. The painting is full of life, full of color and texture. And yes, I decided to wear her, too.

I’ve said it before, but I really wish to drive home the point that when looking at a stranger you can’t see on their face what they are going through in their skin. The purpose of putting my art on my face is to be that obvious, to say loud and clear that Lupus and Fibromyalgia can rot from the inside out. Art is one of the major tools I use to manage life with an “invisible illness”.

You don’t start seeing real signs of illness until the person collapses and finds himself/herself in the hospital with baffled family and friends. She looked okay. She looked “normal” What happened?  Lupus. Fibromyalgia. One of the illnesses listed as “invisible”.

Invisible no more. Sangria – My Face My Art   . Continue reading “Sangria and Me”

Like Girls Do – My Face My Art

To combine art scribbled in black ink, inked in with deep blue, crimson and yellow can be sobering. To add these art pieces as a collage over the face they affect was to show that Lupus is more than what you read on a blog. It’s more than the art itself. It’s not pretty. What this collage says for me is: for many, Lupus isn’t written so clearly on the face.

Like Girls MFMA

The digital collage is made up of the following art pieces.

In the collage called “Like Girls Do” there is a piece of writing that says in part:

Years of laughter and chit-chat captured in cards and letters with flowers and smiley faces like girls do…… half cursive, half print promises that nothing…. under a cardboard lid with edges worn and weary of holding our secrets, the last….. “

While the original art pieces are available in my Etsy shop or via PayPal, the collage is not for use or sale. But, don’t worry, I’m getting there. The writing is on the back of work in progress.

Faith

Please respect the copyright and Please respect the art’s wishes.

Everything – Fast forward

Everything Sundrip

DECEMBER 27,2015.

Times 32 on the multifunctional remote, flash blurred scenes for you. My eyes have processed them all, bit by bit, no translation of hue or tone lost to speed.
I see. I hear. I can’t make it stop.
Pulled plugs, short circuit, a hundred failed attempts to rewire.
Still I hear
every car honk, every cellphone ring and every exasperated, exhausted,
needy inner plea, burned in the screen of my mind .

Robert