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Art ART GALLERY Digital Art Faces Lupus Originals Paintings Self Portrait Sunflowers Surreal The People Behind My Eyes

Surviving to Eke out Gratitude

Monday was one of the hardest days I’ve had in a while. It started off with nightmares that stayed with me for much of the day. I tried to go back to bed to start over but had yet another nightmare. Then as planned, I got myself together, got on my horse (wheelchair) and left […]

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(CRSD) Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy Chronic Pain Lupus PTSD The People Behind My Eyes

CRSD and Extreme Sweating * Strong today. Strong tomorrow.

It hasn’t even been a year since I was diagnosed with CRSD. This isn’t normal sweating. It’s not a hotflash, it’s a 10 min or so flush of water in excess of what the body needs to cool itself. This episode lasted long enough that I decided to photograph it. Noteworthy is that I’m standing […]

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(CRSD) Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy Art I'm only human Lupus Self Portrait The People Behind My Eyes

I don’t need to own your feelings or behavior

The problem I have with the old GP is that he never saw me. He walked in the room and typed on the computer. He didn’t look at me. He asked a few questions, typed some more, wrote on paper, handed it to me and left me sitting in the room alone wondering what on […]

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(CRSD) Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy Digital Art Lupus PTSD The People Behind My Eyes

Eye to Eye – Self Image. Friends

As I finished an image for My Face My Art a cruel voice in my head reminded me that I’m worthless. My gut felt heavy. I wanted to curl in the fetal position and face the wall with my back to everything; anything that might be damaged by my existence. If this feeling could be weighed, […]

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Art Art therapy POETRY PTSD The People Behind My Eyes

Therapy Review: Abuse. Sadism. Self Harm

The video is a quickly thrown together sound bite with several art pieces that fit the topic. Death of my brother as well as sexual abuse, suicidal ideation and self harm (cutting) are discussed along side art stills. Close to the end of the video one photo of a box of crayons is seen for several seconds, […]

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(CRSD) Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy Art Chronic Pain Digital Art Lupus PTSD The People Behind My Eyes

I’m not fine

i feel so broken, exhausted, shredded. i need a mental vacation, somewhere out of my body and its inferno. that thought plagues me, i have to escape this. they say when a person says they want to commit suicide that it’s a cry for help, that they don’t really want to die. that’s true. i […]

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(CRSD) Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy Abstract Art Anxiety Art Art therapy Chronic Pain Expressionsim Originals Sketchbook diary Surreal The People Behind My Eyes

Escape My Skin. Art. Suicide

*** Disclaimer below . 7×10 art journal. Escape my skin, oil stick and ink I often feel defeated. I run from head, I run from my skin, always in fight or flight. Dove – pencil on paper, sketch 7×10 I will smile. I may crack a joke but behind these eyes is a woman who is […]

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(CRSD) Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy Digital Art Faces I'm only human The People Behind My Eyes

Responding with Care

A short hospital stay was needed. I’m home recovering but I’m not to go anywhere. I was grateful that 3 from my care team responded after hours, including over the week end. They got me all squared away …. not to mention super drugged. I said I wouldn’t take narcotics unless its absolutely necessary. Well, it […]

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(CRSD) Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy Chronic Pain I'm only human Lupus The People Behind My Eyes

Falling with the temperature

I went to the doc today. The new diagnosis means I’m listened to, strange feeling. I’m going to say the same thing I’ve been saying and I mean it just s much as the first time I said it. I hurt. From head to toe, I hurt. I do not want to roll over and […]

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Art Digital Art Lupus Major Depression Originals Paintings PTSD Sketchbook diary The People Behind My Eyes

The Invisible Life

Masked, vulnerability, strength, endurance, determination, ambiguity, helpless, small, insignificant, rock hard, aggressive, assertive, grief, please see me, invisible, property, youth, old soul, wise soul, lava of the mind, focus. Faith