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Anxiety Artists Thoughts The People Behind My Eyes

Therapy Review: Expectations

I was talking to Dr. D and realized something significant. I expect a lot from myself and when I don’t reach my own expectations, I get really down on myself. This is a simply realization but one that needed to be made. Today I realized that I’m doing enough creating to keep myself going. No, […]

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Anxiety I'm only human The People Behind My Eyes

CNA Chronicles: Race Matters

CONTENT: Race relations in my home with CNAs and country wide. Inequality for black and white-low income people. I’m so mad I can’t see straight. It’s just been pathetic. I’m mad for myself, for you and for future generations. I’m mad. If I am not as politically correct in my wording then please forgive me […]

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I'm only human Lupus The People Behind My Eyes Women

Hugging Dreams. Wheelchair Companions.

For several nights in a row I’ve had a dream about getting hugs from some beautiful black man. I know, right! The thing is, since I haven’t had a real hug since March the dream hugs have been nice and healing. In one dream he hugged me and held on. It was great and so […]

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Anxiety I'm only human PTSD The People Behind My Eyes Therapy Review

Therapy Review – Depression and Prolonged Isolation

I told Dr D that I struggle to keep from resenting people who won’t keep good COVID-19 practices. I’ve been isolating for so long that it’s starting to wear on me. Seeing people go without a mask and go about like nothing is wrong, make it harder on the rest of us who are trying […]

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Life is like a box of The People Behind My Eyes

On Getting the COVID-19 Vaccine

I talked to my Hematologist about getting the vaccine. He thinks it’s a good idea. Of course I won’t get it in the first round but I want to be in line for it. There are a lot of people concerned about its safety. I’m one of them. Here’s what I’m thinking – the vaccine […]

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(CRSD) Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy Anxiety I'm only human Lupus PTSD The People Behind My Eyes

Therapy Review: Dirty. Boxes. Pain.

I can’t seem to kick the idea that I am somehow dirty inside and out. I know why. I recall the names I was called so viciously. I just hate that even now, at 49, I want to protect people from my unclean feelings. I have a sweet little CNA that shows up daily. She’ll […]

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Abuse Anxiety PTSD The People Behind My Eyes Therapy Review

Therapy Review: Boxed Memories and Emotions

We talked about my mother’s narcissistic traits such as the need to appear perfect and her inability to accept criticism of any kind. We talked about her viciousness and sadistic nature but not too much detail. Most of the time I talked and tried to keep from having to address the visualization technique for compartmentalization. […]

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(CRSD) Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy Chronic Pain Lupus PTSD The People Behind My Eyes

High Pain

I can’t stand it. I don’t even know why I’m writing it. I guess because it helps just to say or scream that it hurts. I think when I hurt this way it starts to make my heart sad. I feel it emotionally, too. I’m not sure why. The physical pain makes me hurt inside […]

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Anxiety Multiple Personality Disorder PTSD The People Behind My Eyes Therapy Review

CNA Chronicles : Young CNA Fired. Dissociation.

I hated to do it but I had to fire my 19 year old CNA for habitual failure to wear her mask and wash her hands. I talked to Dr D before I fired her and explained that I was worried I’d not get care for days on end if I fired her but I’ve […]

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Abuse Anxiety I'm only human Major Depression PTSD The People Behind My Eyes Therapy Review

Therapy Review: Compartmentalizing Trauma

Dr D and I talked about how I’m affected by what happened to me. I really just want to curl up and block everything out, I told him. He’s concerned. I feel a lot of fear. I also feel as if there’s a lot of pressure to be supportive of other survivors. It feels as […]