Content: Suicide discussion. Grief I don’t know how to write this entry. I’ve been trying since yesterday to contain myself enough to take notes from therapy concerning all the suicide triggers of late. Perhaps first I should say I understand the desire to die and I understand what pushes a person to try because I’ve […]
Tag: Grief
As one can imagine, last night was rather rough. I believe I came to a pass where I refused to accept anymore stress that eats me up and spits me out. Depression flattens me on my back, anger makes me get up and move. Last night I got up and moved. I moved past the […]
Art by: Faith Magdalene Austin Art Title: Girl Inside Media: Watercolor and Acrylic on 98 lb paper Style: Raw, African Americana, Folk Art, Black Art Finish: Sealed, signed, Here’s a close up look at this very emotional piece of a girl with someone else inside. SUNDRIP – Art for Life www.sundrip.etsy.com
I felt ugly talking to Dr. D today. We talked about binge eating and how my diet isn’t the best. I have a terrible sweet tooth but I also eat to sooth myself. I hope it counts for something that I didn’t binge the other day. I’m not a fat slob failure but I certainly […]
(sigh) I saw The Surgeon for the last time yesterday afternoon. I didn’t expect him to hug me but I’m glad he did. I gave him his painting and as expected, I cried at the end. As a matter of fact I got in the car, went to the store, purchased 4 pints of ice […]
My physical wounds have healed faster than emotional wounds. There’s a real fear that time will pass, I’ll ‘look better’, and people will forget that on the inside I’m still struggling. When all this first happened and for the entire 5 months, friends leaped to my assistance. I had more visitors than I knew what […]
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Dreams: Burying Fantasies
Content: Aunt tried to kill herself. Brief discussion of cocaine. Death. The gist is that my aunt refused to call me by my name, called me everything else. I refused to answer. Then she called me a ‘bitch’ so I gave her a full account of how much I hate her. I reminded her that […]
It’s been one of those days where all I’ve done is sleep and paint. I got in a good meal, sat down at the table with candle light and everything, yet my heart is desperate and forlorn. I want to cut. I wont but the desire is there to shred my arms up. When I […]
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The Move
Saturday at 2pm I’ll move to the new place. I’m excited but I won’t have the internet for a few days. In the few days off line I hope to set up my art table and supplies. I need to see my belongings again. It’ll mean a lot to see my stuff. It’s hard to […]
I asked you to do the surgery. You said you could or a colleague but I trusted my life in your hands. It felt like there was so much at stake, more to lose than body parts. I can’t explain how afraid I was that I’d throw a blood clot or bleed to death. I […]