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(CRSD) Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy Artists Thoughts Chronic Pain Lupus Self Portrait The People Behind My Eyes

Therapy Review : Acceptance. Art Flame

Content : Brief suicide check in. Explaining myself, memories. Acceptance. Pain. So I walked into the building and my pain level rose to a nine out of ten. From the knee down on both sides it hurt like all get out. I told Dr D that I worry I eventually won’t be able to walk […]

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(CRSD) Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy Anxiety Lupus PTSD The People Behind My Eyes Therapy Review

Therapy Review : Suicide Disease. Hope Art.

Content – Talk of suicidal feelings surrounding Chronic Relex Sympathetic Dystrophy (CRSD), some hopelessness, hope art and talk of anniversary dates. We talked about how hopeless it feels to walk into the ER believing it’s a source of relief only to be told that there’s a crisis out there that has nothing to do with […]

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Abuse Chronic Pain Lupus Multiple Personality Disorder PTSD The People Behind My Eyes Therapy Review

Woes

Content : Suicide discussion. Physical updates. Flashbacks of abuse. Abuse. The nurse will be here tomorrow. I’ve fallen 3x in a week so things are a bit messy right now. I’ve been told I pushed too hard, tried to do too much. I’ll see Dr D tomorrow as well. He is concerned about what he […]

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The People Behind My Eyes Therapy Review

Therapy Review : Baby Brother

Content: Suicide discussion. Grief I don’t know how to write this entry. I’ve been trying since yesterday to contain myself enough to take notes from therapy concerning all the suicide triggers of late. Perhaps first I should say I understand the desire to die and I understand what pushes a person to try because I’ve […]

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Anxiety Art Faces Flowers Originals Paper PTSD Sketchbook diary Sunflowers Surreal The People Behind My Eyes

The Grumpy CNA

Content: Suicide. Blood. Emotional angst. Cruel Words was painted by several of us. What strikes me is how affected I was by the suicide of the CNA’s friend. In the drawing there are heads blown off the people in the trees. That’s a first for drawings and hopefully the last. I know the kids inside […]

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Chronic Pain Lupus Major Depression The People Behind My Eyes Women

In a field of flowers

I would say I’ve hit a rough patch but this is no patch, this is a field. Now I have to figure out how I’m going to traverse this ground with its pits and stones. Today has been difficult but quiet, manageable. Anxiety is high, still, and my body hurts from head to toe. That’s […]

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Anxiety Art therapy Chronic Pain Major Depression The People Behind My Eyes Therapy Review Women

Therapy review: What I need to hear

I read to him the entry I wrote about being angry with him. I then assured him I will not lie to him about feeling suicidal or depressed. I need to trust him and he needs to trust me. I cried from open to close of the session. It’s been a hard day physically and […]

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Lupus Major Depression The People Behind My Eyes Women

Depression is a liar

My hormonal depression drags me around like a mop head picking up dirty and left over grime. I can’t get off the floor. Depression is a liar. Depression tells me that people who care don’t love me at all. It tells me I hate them for letting me down when in fact they really haven’t. […]

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I'm only human Major Depression PTSD The People Behind My Eyes Therapy Review

First session after vacation. Angry with the therapist.

When I talked to Dr. D he asked how I did with him gone. I didn’t want him to think I cared or needed him so I told him I did just fine. I told him I needed the vacation time too, which is true. I didn’t want him to go for two weeks. The […]

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Lupus The People Behind My Eyes

Sleep. Suicidal Relief. Perimenopause.

Wow. I can’t seem to wake up. I just sleep and sleep. At least its quality sleep though. I’m not having nightmares. I don’t know what the issue is but man I can’t wake up. I have a little more motivation which was needed. I wasn’t getting much done. The depression saw to it that […]