I just woke from screaming “No!” in the dream where I wasn’t being attacked or physically abused. In the dream I was staying with friends in their home. My mother was staying there, too. The only thing I got to keep of my things after the move were dolls, the clothes on my back and […]
Category: Multiple Personality Disorder
Sometimes I paint on a tiny little canvas because it feels less overwhelming and very doable. Larger canvas is hard to manage so I don’t mess with that at all but even at times an 8 x 10 piece of paper is daunting, so I pull out a small little canvas and let my mind […]
I’ve been updating the galleries here on Sundrip and ran across some art pieces I’ve not seen in a little bit. I thought I’d share some of them with you. Honorable is an art piece that started all the art therapy pieces. I can even remember the assignment and who gave it. I look at […]
Dr. D and I discussed the possibility of me painting almost daily at set times. This would allow me to know ahead of time what to expect. I need set times for things as well as lists to feel more control over my environment and situation. Setting a specific time to paint and doing it […]
Content : Suicide discussion. Physical updates. Flashbacks of abuse. Abuse. The nurse will be here tomorrow. I’ve fallen 3x in a week so things are a bit messy right now. I’ve been told I pushed too hard, tried to do too much. I’ll see Dr D tomorrow as well. He is concerned about what he […]
Content – Extreme physical abuse, siblings abused, emotional abuse We talked about the dream I had where my mother beat my sister without mercy. It was brutal. She did so in a separate room from me, my cousin and 2 aunts. It was so bad and went on so long that I risked myself by […]
Content: Anxiety. No self harm. Fill in CNA’s friend committed suicide. Regular CNA troubles. The day has been mostly good but with a lot of anxiety. We seemed to manage it better though. There was an instance when we wanted to cut but Michelle said rather quietly, “May I have some lavender?” We promptly put […]
I’ve been struggling so much with anxiety associated with flashbacks and memories. Lately my dreams have been horrible. Everything from rape to my sister being stabbed violently over and over again. There have been medical flashbacks, too, where I wake and think I’m in the hospital still. Last Wednesday there was self harm, which my […]
Thirteen years I walked past my therapist’s Christmas Cactus and never thought to ask for a start until now. The three spider plant starts from the surgeon are growing like weeds. They were so tiny when I got them. I snagged a start from the hospital’s bed of pathos. It’s being rooted in the fish […]
Today is one of those days where I feel the weight of what happened in the hospital. I feel shocked, stunned, grieved. I can only describe it as a train wreck where I can still hear the sound of metal crumbling around me. What I feel today must be what I was feeling when I […]