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(CRSD) Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy Anxiety Chronic Pain Lupus The People Behind My Eyes

High Anxiety

Boy, anxiety has been rough. Sleep has been rough. Pain, relentless! I’m scheduled to see a new Nurse Practioner in July because I have been unsuccessful in managing my anxiety and sleep issues. It’s been at least 5 years since I’ve had a Psychiatrist / Nurse Practioner. Hopefully this lady will be helpful with medications. […]

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(CRSD) Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy Chronic Pain PTSD The People Behind My Eyes Therapy Review

The Next Chapter of Therapy

I fought back tears not knowing exactly how Dr D would respond. I knew he wouldn’t stop seeing me all together but I wasn’t sure if he’d cut my sessions down by half. I let Dr D know that I’m unable to return in person to see him at his office because I’m physically unable […]

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(CRSD) Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy Chronic Pain I'm only human Lupus PTSD The People Behind My Eyes

February Feelings

February 2nd is my Independence Day. I don’t celebrate like I used to but I still think about how important it was back in 1992 when I was forced to make the decision to leave home at 10:30 at night. I know it was a long time ago but I’m still learning how to be free. […]

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(CRSD) Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy Anxiety Artists Thoughts Chronic Pain The People Behind My Eyes Therapy Review

Deep Breath

Wow! Anxiety has been high for over a week. It peaked today. I had to really concentrate on my breathing and slow it down. I’ve got a new diffuser because after 2 years, my Young Living diffuser went caput. The new one is also white and purple. Therapy was full of anxiety but not because […]

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(CRSD) Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy Anxiety I'm only human Lupus PTSD The People Behind My Eyes

Therapy Review: Dirty. Boxes. Pain.

I can’t seem to kick the idea that I am somehow dirty inside and out. I know why. I recall the names I was called so viciously. I just hate that even now, at 49, I want to protect people from my unclean feelings. I have a sweet little CNA that shows up daily. She’ll […]

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(CRSD) Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy Chronic Pain Lupus PTSD The People Behind My Eyes

High Pain

I can’t stand it. I don’t even know why I’m writing it. I guess because it helps just to say or scream that it hurts. I think when I hurt this way it starts to make my heart sad. I feel it emotionally, too. I’m not sure why. The physical pain makes me hurt inside […]

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(CRSD) Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy Chronic Pain Lupus PTSD The People Behind My Eyes

Therapy Review : Pain. Ablation. Joe

I’m quite close to chucking it all and heading to the emergency room for a shot of whatever that was they gave me the last time I was there. It’s been a week of high pain and vomiting. I hoped I’d last until it’s time for the ablation but I can’t stand it. Not only […]

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(CRSD) Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy Art Artists Thoughts Chronic Pain Lupus The People Behind My Eyes

Sewing with a machine as an amputee

I sat down to hand sew dolls but my hands cramped and spasmed terribly. I thought I’d try to see if I could use my sewing machine despite half a foot amputated and despite significant nerve damage. I had my CNA bring it to the table but I didn’t try anything until after she left […]

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(CRSD) Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy Chronic Pain Lupus The People Behind My Eyes

Pain

I keep sewing and painting through the pain. If I stop for too long I begin to panic. I made it through the April rains into May, which I hope is a smoother, less painful ride. I’m a bit tearful and tired and hope to sleep soon because I really can’t stand this. I can […]

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(CRSD) Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy Artists Thoughts Chronic Pain Lupus Self Portrait The People Behind My Eyes

Therapy Review : Acceptance. Art Flame

Content : Brief suicide check in. Explaining myself, memories. Acceptance. Pain. So I walked into the building and my pain level rose to a nine out of ten. From the knee down on both sides it hurt like all get out. I told Dr D that I worry I eventually won’t be able to walk […]