Categories
Abuse Anxiety PTSD The People Behind My Eyes

Guilt. Shame. Fear.

Content: A very emotional writing. Trauma, current as well as PTSD. Today during my therapy session Dr. D and I discussed something traumatic that took place August 6th of this year. We’ve talked about it a lot and have processed how I feel as well as how others inside feel. However, this conversation took place […]

Categories
Anxiety Chronic Pain I'm only human PTSD The People Behind My Eyes

A Little Reassurance

I went to see the General Practioner today. I thought it would be a long appointment but it wasn’t. I was happy about that. When I saw him, I got a lot of reassurance that the surgery will be just fine and that I’ll not have any bleeding issues as a result of the surgery. […]

Categories
(CRSD) Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy Chronic Pain Lupus PTSD The People Behind My Eyes

Therapy Review : Pain. Ablation. Joe

I’m quite close to chucking it all and heading to the emergency room for a shot of whatever that was they gave me the last time I was there. It’s been a week of high pain and vomiting. I hoped I’d last until it’s time for the ablation but I can’t stand it. Not only […]

Categories
Anxiety Chronic Pain I'm only human Lupus PTSD Rag Doll Self Portrait The People Behind My Eyes Therapy Review

Therapy Review : Knowing Pain. Sorrow Dolls

Last week I made a statement in therapy that I had to reexamine. I said that all I know is pain. I’ve had Lupus since I was a child and I had my mother to deal with. Now I’ve got Lupus, other health issues and mental health issues, all very painful to live with. Maybe […]

Categories
Anxiety Chronic Pain Life is like a box of PTSD The People Behind My Eyes Therapy Review

Therapy Review: CNAs. Anger. Touch. Pain.

I’ve been struggling emotionally since the GYN appointment. It was a bit much for me. Sleep has been rough and anxiety has been really high. I’m kind of struggling a bit. We talked about continuing deep breathing and lavender for anxiety relief. We also talked about the anxiety that comes with this CNA just up […]

Categories
Abuse Dreams Multiple Personality Disorder PTSD The People Behind My Eyes

The unwelcome child

I just woke from screaming “No!” in the dream where I wasn’t being attacked or physically abused. In the dream I was staying with friends in their home. My mother was staying there, too. The only thing I got to keep of my things after the move were dolls, the clothes on my back and […]

Categories
Anxiety I'm only human Lupus PTSD The People Behind My Eyes

Pelvic Ultrasound. Therapy and Accessibility.

I’m going to have a transvaginal ultrasound Wednesday the 8th at 1:10pm. One of my best friends is taking me. She and her husband took me to the doctor yesterday. When I came out and it was over, I was emotionally spent. I cried and cried. Right now I feel like crap. I want to […]

Categories
Lupus PTSD The People Behind My Eyes

On seeing the doctor. Blood disorder issues.

Content: Passing more golf ball sized blood clots. Oncologist and Gynecologist appointments coming up. I went to the doctor but they were unable to examine me for various reasons. They wanted to start me on a medication that I can’t take because of the blood clots history. I called my Oncologist / Hematologist to verify […]

Categories
Anxiety I'm only human Lupus PTSD The People Behind My Eyes

Perimenopause and clotting. Blood thinner realities.

Content: Very personal entry. Perhaps not for the squeamish. Talk of blood and blood clots as well as being on a blood thinner during the cycle. I’m struggling physically. I thought I was going to the hospital last night. I didn’t go because I thought to myself, I just can’t do the battery of tests […]

Categories
Art Art therapy Artists Thoughts Black Children Children Mixed Media Multiple Personality Disorder Originals Paintings PTSD Sunflowers

Tiny Art. Safe Art.

Sometimes I paint on a tiny little canvas because it feels less overwhelming and very doable. Larger canvas is hard to manage so I don’t mess with that at all but even at times an 8 x 10 piece of paper is daunting, so I pull out a small little canvas and let my mind […]