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Creative Writing PTSD

Mother

I see her face so clearly. Long, loose curls tossed behind her then bounce off her back. She’s gorgeous. She knows it. She likes her eyes best. She’s always doing a wide gaze and pose. It’s ridiculous. She pouts a tiny bit as her eyes beam with a message I don’t know how to read. […]

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Anxiety I'm only human Lupus PTSD The People Behind My Eyes

Panic Mode

I go from sleepless nights to straight fatigue with an undercurrent of panic and impatience. I’ve vomited and stressed myself right into an outbreak all over my chest. I can’t get Benadryl until April 1st. Man. I’ve got a doctor’s appointment the 30th of this month. I wish I could cancel. I’ve got to calm […]

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Anxiety Art Art therapy Paper PTSD Sketchbook diary The People Behind My Eyes

Panic Attacks

I’m not sure what my problem is but I’ve been having panic attacks lately. Today’s panic attack included holding my chest, fast breathing and vomiting. I’m not sure what is causing it but it started over a week ago. I talked about it in therapy. I’m doing some deep breathing as well as keeping my […]

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Lupus PTSD The People Behind My Eyes

The Insurance Fight

It came time to refill my fondaparinux shots which cost $5000 a month and that is usually covered by my insurance. The insurance company has denied payment and demands I use a cheaper blood thinner. I’m allergic to the other thinners such as Lovenox and Heparin. I bled internally and can’t take them. Here I […]

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Acrylic on Paper Art ART GALLERY Artists Thoughts Originals Paintings PTSD Visionary

Work in Progress: The Rescuer

I started this painting a few years ago but just couldn’t get it so I used gesso and removed everything I want to change. I’ve put the painting on the easel and will turn it and look at it from all angles for the next few days. This will help me to know which direction […]

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Artists Thoughts Chronic Pain I'm only human Lupus PTSD The People Behind My Eyes Therapy Review

Halfway Normal

I never know when I’m going to feel well enough to get out of bed. Three days in and I wondered if there would be a fourth, but today I feel halfway normal. Usually I don’t know if I’m going to be able to stand being alive because the pain is so bad, but then […]

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Acrylic and Ink Art ART GALLERY Originals Paper PTSD Sketchbook diary Sunflowers Surreal

The Invisible Children

The Invisible Children is a haunting and surreal scene of sunflowers at night, a full moon, ravens flying and figures in the flowers at the base of a large, bare tree. It is a dark, fluid piece, full of small details. Art Title: The Invisible ChildrenArt by: Faith Magdalene AustinMedia: Acrylic paint, ink, paperSize: 5.5 […]

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Abuse PTSD The People Behind My Eyes Therapy Review

Therapy Review : Sadistic Mother

Content – Verbal abuse account. Emotional. Anxiety. Mention of physical abuse. Therapy was hard. At 48 years old I’m still not over the abuse. When I said this to Dr D. he commented that the abuse was extreme and for a very long time. It makes me want to cry. I’ve been running from this […]

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Abuse Anxiety Dreams Lupus PTSD Siblings abused The People Behind My Eyes

Dreams

Content – Physical abuse. Emotional abuse. My dreams have ranged from strange to emotional to terrifying. Last night I had a dream I lost my identity but was assisted by a stranger to get it back. When I was handed papers that confirmed what I was saying all along, I am in fact Faith Austin, […]

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(CRSD) Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy Anxiety Lupus PTSD The People Behind My Eyes Therapy Review

Therapy Review : Suicide Disease. Hope Art.

Content – Talk of suicidal feelings surrounding Chronic Relex Sympathetic Dystrophy (CRSD), some hopelessness, hope art and talk of anniversary dates. We talked about how hopeless it feels to walk into the ER believing it’s a source of relief only to be told that there’s a crisis out there that has nothing to do with […]