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(CRSD) Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy Art Artists Thoughts Chronic Pain Lupus The People Behind My Eyes

Sewing with a machine as an amputee

I sat down to hand sew dolls but my hands cramped and spasmed terribly. I thought I’d try to see if I could use my sewing machine despite half a foot amputated and despite significant nerve damage. I had my CNA bring it to the table but I didn’t try anything until after she left […]

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Anxiety Life is like a box of Lupus The People Behind My Eyes

COVID-19 Shock

I don’t know if I should cry or fall to my knees and pray. Wow. Ok so, my Saturday CNA is being tested for COVID-19 during which time I was instructed to quarantine alone. No care. No CNAs. No nurses. Just me. This should be interesting. There’s a lot going through my head right now. […]

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Chronic Pain I'm only human Lupus PTSD The People Behind My Eyes

Two Years On

May 7th will be two years with the amputation. Funny, my therapist still can’t say that word. He just says, ‘the operation.’ I think the only thing that really makes me sad is not yet being able to wear shoes. I thought I could but not yet. I purchased a pair I thought I could […]

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(CRSD) Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy Chronic Pain Lupus The People Behind My Eyes

Pain

I keep sewing and painting through the pain. If I stop for too long I begin to panic. I made it through the April rains into May, which I hope is a smoother, less painful ride. I’m a bit tearful and tired and hope to sleep soon because I really can’t stand this. I can […]

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(CRSD) Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy Artists Thoughts Chronic Pain Lupus Self Portrait The People Behind My Eyes

Therapy Review : Acceptance. Art Flame

Content : Brief suicide check in. Explaining myself, memories. Acceptance. Pain. So I walked into the building and my pain level rose to a nine out of ten. From the knee down on both sides it hurt like all get out. I told Dr D that I worry I eventually won’t be able to walk […]

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(CRSD) Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy Chronic Pain Lupus The People Behind My Eyes

All Flare ups End

I have to remember that all flare ups end. It feels like they won’t but it will. It takes time I feel like I don’t have to give. The pain is intense. If I put pressure on the foot it starts to burn like I dipped it in fire, but it stops burning within minutes. […]

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Art

Darn Foot

It’s been awhile since I had more than pain going on with the foot. Last night I hurt so badly I sure thought I was going to the hospital! The difficulty is that it is swollen 3x it’s normal size and is split open. It hurts more than I can say and yet the doctor […]

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(CRSD) Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy The People Behind My Eyes

Positive Doctors

My Oncologist /Hematologist is such a positive doctor. Today he again told me I’m a walking miracle and that I should not worry about the future. He said to keep taking the medications, keep my appointments and move forward. He said if it happens again we’ll deal with it. He explained what the doctors would […]

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Chronic Pain I'm only human Lupus PTSD The People Behind My Eyes

Show of Strength

The problem with being told I’m strong is that it seems to give onlookers permission to let me be, do little, and go on as usual. I hate being told I’m strong because of all the hidden messages with it. My doctor and I had conversation where I was asked if I really wanted to […]

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Anxiety Chronic Pain Lupus PTSD The People Behind My Eyes

Sunflowers for the Weary

A friend of mine came over and brought fried chicken and a bouquet of sunflowers. It was too sweet. We sat and talked while I ate. I was hesitant to talk about health stuff because I didn’t want to depress her. It was a very nice visit though. Yesterday after I blogged, I went ahead […]