I’ve not shown off my Philodendron Hope plant in awhile. It’s growing out of two Betta tanks. I’m going to clip it back soon and allow certain leaves to mature. It’ll look nicer cut back. I have hope. There’s no doubt about the hope I have, but the path to…
Category: Anxiety
Out with the Hospital, in with the Clinic
I made all my appointments at the hospital every six months since 2018 but it was time for a change. I’m seeing the same doctor just at a clinic associated with the hospital. I’m happy I made the change. People spoke to each other in the clinic and it wasn’t…
Brief Medical Hospital Stay
I’m home from a brief medical hospital stay but in the entry I’ve lead with emotional issues. I have to admit I am emotionally excitable and I cry at the drop of a hat. Today I cried my eyes out concerning the CNA who left. I was crying because I…
Teeth. Punishment. OCD.
I don’t deserve pretty dentures after the way I treated my natural teeth, that’s the way I thought anyway. So when it came time to choose the color of my dentures I didn’t want to choose a pretty white. I was going to choose a coffee drinker white, or a…
Better Boundaries This Time Around
You know what? I did better with boundaries and setting limits than I first remembered. I originally looked back at the year with the old CNA and saw how many times I drew the line. The first thing was how she would shoo me away with the back of her…
Eating Disorder Clinic. Outpatient Care Only.
Today I started care at the eating disorder clinic for abstinence and binge eating. I didn’t feel judged at all. I didn’t feel like my size disgusted them. I know not eating for 3 days is a problem but I didn’t realize it would be something to try to make…
What Keeps Me Awake – Fear of letting go
My mind will catch up with me if I turn over and go to sleep. Grief will catch up with me if I allow my mind to slow down. I’m afraid of the images that are so vivid even with my eyes closed so I watch worthless TV shows and…
Divided
Content – Dissociative Identity Disorder, Uncontrolled weight gain, CNA in public. Dr. D hasn’t changed my diagnosis. He still recognizes the disorder. He wanted to know if I believe that ‘they’ are all me and not actually separate. I said, I know it’s impossible to have more than one person…
Why So Much Anxiety?
Anxiety comes over like waves. One minute my head is above water, the next I have waves of debilitating anxiety. It washes over me so that all I want to do is go to bed with the covers over my head. I don’t feel like I’m coping. I wish I…
At War With Myself – Disordered Eating
Content – Disordered eating. Binge eating, no purge. Shame. Hopeless feelings. Anxiety. Inpatient for medication management. I had therapy today where it was decided that I’ll have a short set time with extra home care. I’ll be adding a 3 hr day to Saturday until the beginning of the year….