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Anxiety Art Art therapy Artists Thoughts Experimental design Mixed Media Paper PTSD Sketchbook diary The People Behind My Eyes

What If. Art Thoughts.

All ‘what if’ roads lead to nowhere. I got to thinking, what if I get this art table but I still don’t paint? Then of course my head took off, so I decided to sit in my wheelchair at the dinner table and paint a ‘what if’ road map. What if I struggle with the […]

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Anxiety Art therapy Artists Thoughts Life is like a box of The People Behind My Eyes Therapy Review

Table Trouble

Dr D and I again discussed my inability to paint. It pains me that I feel incapable of it. I still don’t trust the same though I’m getting better. But I also realized that I don’t have the same amount of alone time I once had before everything fell apart. I needed alone time to […]

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Anxiety I'm only human The People Behind My Eyes

Fun with friends

They came for tea and a meal of chicken with sides. They came to see the frogs, fish, snails and the cat. We had the best time, we really did. I need to let myself be ok with the good time. Don’t think of what I could have done differently or let my brain beat […]

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Anxiety The People Behind My Eyes

Music and Emotional Spoons

I hardly ever do this anymore. It’s been months since I turned on music for myself. Music is emotional for me, anxiety provoking. I feel so deeply with it that it’s often uncomfortable. But this time I turned it on, lay on the bed and took it all in. I don’t know. It seems significant […]

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Anxiety Art PTSD The People Behind My Eyes Therapy Review

The Reconstruction

Several walls got knocked down. I need to figure out how to build them up with security but also openness. Dr D and I talked about how I now see life as before and after the hospitalization. It’s as if it blew a hole in the middle of my life, my reality and sense of […]

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Abuse Anxiety PTSD The People Behind My Eyes

Give an inch

“Take your stump and lay down.” It was said so cold and cruelly by my CNA. Somehow she thought it was funny. I didn’t. The words seared my heart, blocking a way to forgiveness. There were a multitude of offenses like that which lead up to today’s firing. She had been here several months but […]

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Anxiety Chronic Pain I'm only human Lupus The People Behind My Eyes

A little this and that

It’s still a bit difficult to reach out, but I did with a friend this evening. I told her what the surgeon’s prognosis is. I decided to risk and tell her that for an hour or so each morning I struggle with the feeling that it was pointless to wake up. It takes a good […]

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Anxiety PTSD The People Behind My Eyes

CNA – Rude. Ignored. Behavioral Issues.

(smh) What do you do with people sometimes? I wonder if she’s truly oblivious to the message she’s sending or if she’s aware and having additude issues. My CNA is sitting in the chair with her radio on w both earbuds in. She’s either watching a movie and making comments about the movie or she’s […]

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Anxiety Chronic Pain Lupus PTSD The People Behind My Eyes

Sunflowers for the Weary

A friend of mine came over and brought fried chicken and a bouquet of sunflowers. It was too sweet. We sat and talked while I ate. I was hesitant to talk about health stuff because I didn’t want to depress her. It was a very nice visit though. Yesterday after I blogged, I went ahead […]

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Anxiety I'm only human Lupus PTSD The People Behind My Eyes

The Same Road

I saw the surgeon today. He didn’t smile much at first. I always try to read him when I go in. I asked if he had bad news. I said, am I going to have to do that fight again, another excruciating, painful time? He said yes. I said, you could have given that news […]