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Anxiety I'm only human The People Behind My Eyes

Thoughts and Worries List

The virus has sealed my CNA staying. She thought about switching jobs and getting out of the field but unemployment rates skyrocketed which has definitely changed her plans. I’m not upset about this. I want her to stay as long as possible. For Kingdom Hall Services we are using the Zoom program to meet together […]

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Anxiety I'm only human Lupus PTSD The People Behind My Eyes

Panic Mode

I go from sleepless nights to straight fatigue with an undercurrent of panic and impatience. I’ve vomited and stressed myself right into an outbreak all over my chest. I can’t get Benadryl until April 1st. Man. I’ve got a doctor’s appointment the 30th of this month. I wish I could cancel. I’ve got to calm […]

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Anxiety Art Art therapy Paper PTSD Sketchbook diary The People Behind My Eyes

Panic Attacks

I’m not sure what my problem is but I’ve been having panic attacks lately. Today’s panic attack included holding my chest, fast breathing and vomiting. I’m not sure what is causing it but it started over a week ago. I talked about it in therapy. I’m doing some deep breathing as well as keeping my […]

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Anxiety The People Behind My Eyes

Coronavirus thoughts from a high risk person

The CDC has already suggested that the elderly and people with a compromised immune system should stay home. I’m primarily homebound but I do go to the doctor and grocery store, that’s really it. I think Walmart is a breading ground for all sorts of infectious diseases, not just potentially COVID – 19 so I’m […]

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Anxiety I'm only human The People Behind My Eyes

Clearing My Head

It’s 9:25pm on Saturday. I’ve got to get up to go to services tomorrow, however, my brain has kicked on with the aide gone and the lights out. It seems I’ve got a little more to worry about. I thought I had 10 shots put back but I’ve only got four. Right now I’m doing […]

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Abuse Anxiety Dreams Lupus PTSD Siblings abused The People Behind My Eyes

Dreams

Content – Physical abuse. Emotional abuse. My dreams have ranged from strange to emotional to terrifying. Last night I had a dream I lost my identity but was assisted by a stranger to get it back. When I was handed papers that confirmed what I was saying all along, I am in fact Faith Austin, […]

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Anxiety The People Behind My Eyes

Cracks and Judgements

The CNA is was different today. There were cracks in the peace here. She was touchy, sensitive. I was messing with her and put a leaf that fell off my plant in the middle of the table where she sits. She said it wasn’t funny and proceeded to tell me to be nice and how […]

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(CRSD) Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy Anxiety Lupus PTSD The People Behind My Eyes Therapy Review

Therapy Review : Suicide Disease. Hope Art.

Content – Talk of suicidal feelings surrounding Chronic Relex Sympathetic Dystrophy (CRSD), some hopelessness, hope art and talk of anniversary dates. We talked about how hopeless it feels to walk into the ER believing it’s a source of relief only to be told that there’s a crisis out there that has nothing to do with […]

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Anxiety Art Art therapy Artists Thoughts Experimental design Mixed Media Paper PTSD Sketchbook diary The People Behind My Eyes

What If. Art Thoughts.

All ‘what if’ roads lead to nowhere. I got to thinking, what if I get this art table but I still don’t paint? Then of course my head took off, so I decided to sit in my wheelchair at the dinner table and paint a ‘what if’ road map. What if I struggle with the […]

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Anxiety Art therapy Artists Thoughts Life is like a box of The People Behind My Eyes Therapy Review

Table Trouble

Dr D and I again discussed my inability to paint. It pains me that I feel incapable of it. I still don’t trust the same though I’m getting better. But I also realized that I don’t have the same amount of alone time I once had before everything fell apart. I needed alone time to […]