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Anxiety I'm only human The People Behind My Eyes

Patience still. Joy.

After effort to let go of worry and focus on what I have the ability to change, I was better able to sleep and eat without vomiting. I’ve had no overwhelming anxiety. I still have anxiety about this recent health issue but it’s not choking me like it was. For a minute there I started […]

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Anxiety The People Behind My Eyes

No Answers Yet

I got up, got dressed and went to see the doctor today but he wasn’t there. The man is on vacation. I was so upset. Now I have to wait about 3 weeks to get in to see him. Before I see the man who will make many decisions about my health, I’ll go in […]

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Anxiety I'm only human The People Behind My Eyes

Weepy. Wait and See?

I don’t know what my problem is but I am weepy today. I’ve been on the verge of tears all day. Finally I dropped a few tears when I ran across a painting created a long time ago that I’d forgotten about. I looked at it and it just touched me. I don’t know. It’s […]

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Anxiety I'm only human The People Behind My Eyes

A quiet Friday. Health update.

I woke from nightmares yet again, screaming myself awake. The cat looked at me like I’m crazy. I then hurried to get myself together before my CNA arrived. I didn’t want to be seen that frazzled and shaken. Despite a rough start, it looks like this evening will be quiet and unassuming. I’ve completed some […]

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Abstract Art Anxiety Art therapy Lupus The People Behind My Eyes

Anxiety. What if Painting

Of course my head has been everywhere. I don’t feel good at all and the pain of this is constant. At first I thought, it’s just more pain, something I can ignore. I still think that but this is a new pain so I worry about not knowing what the pain means. Is my stomach […]

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Anxiety I'm only human Lupus The People Behind My Eyes

A New Course

I’m in the process of changing all my care to one hospital system instead of trying to have a Family Doctor who gives referrals to one hospital and a Hematologist and surgeon at a totally different hospital. For the sake of being clear on which hospital I want to go to I’ll just call it […]

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Anxiety I'm only human The People Behind My Eyes

Tests

The tests went well today. My CNA was with me in the morning then she left so friends could take me for imaging. It went well. They were very understanding. Because she got everything she needed with the pelvic ultrasound, she did not have to do the transvaginal ultrasound. I was quite relieved! I came […]

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Anxiety I'm only human Lupus PTSD The People Behind My Eyes

Pelvic Ultrasound. Therapy and Accessibility.

I’m going to have a transvaginal ultrasound Wednesday the 8th at 1:10pm. One of my best friends is taking me. She and her husband took me to the doctor yesterday. When I came out and it was over, I was emotionally spent. I cried and cried. Right now I feel like crap. I want to […]

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Anxiety I'm only human Lupus PTSD The People Behind My Eyes

Perimenopause and clotting. Blood thinner realities.

Content: Very personal entry. Perhaps not for the squeamish. Talk of blood and blood clots as well as being on a blood thinner during the cycle. I’m struggling physically. I thought I was going to the hospital last night. I didn’t go because I thought to myself, I just can’t do the battery of tests […]

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Abuse Anxiety PTSD The People Behind My Eyes Therapy Review

Therapy Review: Fix What I Didn’t Break

My heart is heavy. I talked to Dr. D about the nurses aides not showing up again. They weren’t here last Monday when I talked to him and they aren’t here today and more than likely won’t be here tomorrow. Four or five people have told me that I’m not the problem with why people […]