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(CRSD) Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy Anxiety Chronic Pain Lupus The People Behind My Eyes

High Anxiety

Boy, anxiety has been rough. Sleep has been rough. Pain, relentless! I’m scheduled to see a new Nurse Practioner in July because I have been unsuccessful in managing my anxiety and sleep issues. It’s been at least 5 years since I’ve had a Psychiatrist / Nurse Practioner. Hopefully this lady will be helpful with medications. […]

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Anxiety I'm only human PTSD The People Behind My Eyes

The Dump

Content: CNA casually brings up suicide and sexual assault I have written all sorts of things in this online journal over the last 20 years. My content ranges from emotional health to tea to sex to photo entries. If I felt it, I wrote it, even if it was just a few words, because it […]

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Anxiety Art Artists Thoughts Self Portrait

It’s Friday!

Ah yes. It’s Friday. There will be popcorn and beer, art and music. Let’s get this party started! The studio shelves are stocked with supplies. I’m ready to go. I’ve been working on a small piece for a few weeks now and I’m past ready to finish it. It’s been a week of high anxiety […]

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African-American Rag Doll Anxiety Art Originals PTSD Rag Doll Self Portrait

Lola – Queen of Sorrows

She accurately represents how I feel often. I wish I could say that I’m okay and that life is good. I mean really, complaints should be few but in general I’m not a happy person. I named her Lola because in some languages it means Our Lady of Sorrows. It seemed so appropriate. Lola is […]

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(CRSD) Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy Anxiety Artists Thoughts Chronic Pain The People Behind My Eyes Therapy Review

Deep Breath

Wow! Anxiety has been high for over a week. It peaked today. I had to really concentrate on my breathing and slow it down. I’ve got a new diffuser because after 2 years, my Young Living diffuser went caput. The new one is also white and purple. Therapy was full of anxiety but not because […]

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Anxiety Artists Thoughts The People Behind My Eyes

Therapy Review: Expectations

I was talking to Dr. D and realized something significant. I expect a lot from myself and when I don’t reach my own expectations, I get really down on myself. This is a simply realization but one that needed to be made. Today I realized that I’m doing enough creating to keep myself going. No, […]

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Anxiety I'm only human The People Behind My Eyes

CNA Chronicles: Race Matters

CONTENT: Race relations in my home with CNAs and country wide. Inequality for black and white-low income people. I’m so mad I can’t see straight. It’s just been pathetic. I’m mad for myself, for you and for future generations. I’m mad. If I am not as politically correct in my wording then please forgive me […]

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Anxiety I'm only human PTSD The People Behind My Eyes Therapy Review

Therapy Review – Depression and Prolonged Isolation

I told Dr D that I struggle to keep from resenting people who won’t keep good COVID-19 practices. I’ve been isolating for so long that it’s starting to wear on me. Seeing people go without a mask and go about like nothing is wrong, make it harder on the rest of us who are trying […]

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(CRSD) Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy Anxiety I'm only human Lupus PTSD The People Behind My Eyes

Therapy Review: Dirty. Boxes. Pain.

I can’t seem to kick the idea that I am somehow dirty inside and out. I know why. I recall the names I was called so viciously. I just hate that even now, at 49, I want to protect people from my unclean feelings. I have a sweet little CNA that shows up daily. She’ll […]

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Abuse Anxiety PTSD The People Behind My Eyes Therapy Review

Therapy Review: Boxed Memories and Emotions

We talked about my mother’s narcissistic traits such as the need to appear perfect and her inability to accept criticism of any kind. We talked about her viciousness and sadistic nature but not too much detail. Most of the time I talked and tried to keep from having to address the visualization technique for compartmentalization. […]