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Anxiety Art Art therapy Dreams PTSD Sketchbook diary The People Behind My Eyes

Anxiety. Art. Gratitude.

I’m still screaming and fighting in my sleep about things that happened two and a half decades ago. It makes me wonder if I will ever have peaceful sleep. I feel like I have a measure of peace in my waking hours but sleep is haunted, vicious. Today my anxiety took a turn for the […]

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Anxiety Lupus PTSD Sketchbook diary The People Behind My Eyes

The CNA Challenge

I’ve got 2 new CNAs right now. I talked to the company and told them how I’ve been feeling about the loss of care every few months. I feel like a failure, I said. I feel like people think it’s all my fault and that maybe people simply don’t like me after awhile. The manager […]

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Anxiety Life is like a box of The People Behind My Eyes

Negative

Her test was negative. I can breathe a sigh of relief! Today is my CNAs last day. I’m a little bitter because she didn’t turn out to be who she so loudly claims. The hunt continues. Faith

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Anxiety Life is like a box of The People Behind My Eyes

Care Plan

Nothing is business as usual while waiting for a fast track COVID – 19 test. I definitely lost sleep over it last night but I was able to get a good nap. I feel much better. The nursing company said I’d know more about the care plan today which is that I will have the […]

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Anxiety Life is like a box of Lupus The People Behind My Eyes

COVID-19 Shock

I don’t know if I should cry or fall to my knees and pray. Wow. Ok so, my Saturday CNA is being tested for COVID-19 during which time I was instructed to quarantine alone. No care. No CNAs. No nurses. Just me. This should be interesting. There’s a lot going through my head right now. […]

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Abuse Anxiety PTSD The People Behind My Eyes

Curve Ball

Back when I was in the hospital I contacted three family members to let them know I was ill. Then six months after, I contacted one of them again, with no response. My sister responded by saying she didn’t care if I lived or died. Two years have passed since the hospitalization with no word […]

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Abuse Anxiety I'm only human PTSD The People Behind My Eyes

CNA Says I Have Spirits

My CNA and I had a serious disagreement where I became very angry. She told me I have spirits and crazy crap like that. I reported her to her supervisor bc it’s not the first time she’s done it, saying she has a “deliverance ministry” and can heal me of my spirits! She is to […]

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Anxiety I'm only human Lupus Self Portrait The People Behind My Eyes

Me and Face Masks

Me smiling. I laugh more than I smile. Recently I’ve had more to smile about. I feel as if I’ve gotten my second wind. I’ve got a lot more confidence concerning the world situation and feel safe and okay at home. The world is still big but doesn’t feel so big I can’t manage stress. […]

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Anxiety I'm only human The People Behind My Eyes

Thoughts and Worries List

The virus has sealed my CNA staying. She thought about switching jobs and getting out of the field but unemployment rates skyrocketed which has definitely changed her plans. I’m not upset about this. I want her to stay as long as possible. For Kingdom Hall Services we are using the Zoom program to meet together […]

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Anxiety I'm only human Lupus PTSD The People Behind My Eyes

Panic Mode

I go from sleepless nights to straight fatigue with an undercurrent of panic and impatience. I’ve vomited and stressed myself right into an outbreak all over my chest. I can’t get Benadryl until April 1st. Man. I’ve got a doctor’s appointment the 30th of this month. I wish I could cancel. I’ve got to calm […]