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Anxiety I'm only human The People Behind My Eyes

Fun with friends

They came for tea and a meal of chicken with sides. They came to see the frogs, fish, snails and the cat. We had the best time, we really did. I need to let myself be ok with the good time. Don’t think of what I could have done differently or let my brain beat […]

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Abuse I'm only human PTSD The People Behind My Eyes

Good Day. My voice. Their hope.

It’s been a good day. Pain has been low and stress is near zero. It’s been good. I did a little cleaning, drank some hot chocolate and talked to friends and neighbors. I’m also feeling good about the firing of my CNA. I didn’t think the company would care nearly as much as they do. […]

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Abuse African-American Rag Doll Art therapy Artists Thoughts Chronic Pain I'm only human Lupus PTSD The People Behind My Eyes Therapy Review

Therapy Review: Live free. Young Self.

We talked about figuring out how to live with instability, with the unknown. I’m not a very flexible person. I’m not spontaneous, don’t like to have someone jump out and surprise me. But my health is one big unstable lion that is silent for awhile but waiting for the moment to roar. We talked about […]

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Anxiety Chronic Pain I'm only human Lupus The People Behind My Eyes

A little this and that

It’s still a bit difficult to reach out, but I did with a friend this evening. I told her what the surgeon’s prognosis is. I decided to risk and tell her that for an hour or so each morning I struggle with the feeling that it was pointless to wake up. It takes a good […]

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Chronic Pain I'm only human Lupus PTSD The People Behind My Eyes

Show of Strength

The problem with being told I’m strong is that it seems to give onlookers permission to let me be, do little, and go on as usual. I hate being told I’m strong because of all the hidden messages with it. My doctor and I had conversation where I was asked if I really wanted to […]

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Anxiety I'm only human Lupus PTSD The People Behind My Eyes

The Same Road

I saw the surgeon today. He didn’t smile much at first. I always try to read him when I go in. I asked if he had bad news. I said, am I going to have to do that fight again, another excruciating, painful time? He said yes. I said, you could have given that news […]

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Cats Chronic Pain I'm only human Lupus Major Depression The People Behind My Eyes

Joey

He’s a chatter box kitty but as sweet as can be. He sleeps on my chest and purrs. He gives me little cat kisses. This is my new buddy Joey. Joey is a tabby male, neutered and 9 yrs old. He’s calm and friendly to visitors. He doesn’t know a stranger. He’s got big, bright […]

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(CRSD) Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy Chronic Pain I'm only human Lupus PTSD The People Behind My Eyes

The Smile

I smiled every time the doctor or nurse walked in the room. I smiled at the Radiologist, Podiatrist, Hematologist, Wound Team and the vampire, blood sucking Phlebotomist. I’m not an easy stick and hate getting my blood drawn, thus the name calling. Anyway, I smiled at them all, genuinely, because I was greatful for good […]

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Anxiety Chronic Pain I'm only human Lupus PTSD The People Behind My Eyes

Foot Stuff. Fear of Pain.

I’ve been going in to see the doctor more than normal because my body is having a hard time fighting the infection. The days I’ve not gone in she’s called. I’m also to keep a photo diary of the changes to the wound site, which I’ve been doing. The infected area changes in size almost […]

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Chronic Pain I'm only human Lupus PTSD The People Behind My Eyes

A Year Ago Tomorrow

It feels like yesterday but tomorrow it’ll have been a year since the amputation. I was ok until it was time to be alone, then I fell apart. The two people I talked to commented that I’ve come very far in a year. They said there’s been loss but that I’ve made great strides. In […]