CONTENT: Race relations in my home with CNAs and country wide. Inequality for black and white-low income people. I’m so mad I can’t see straight. It’s just been pathetic. I’m mad for myself, for you and for future generations. I’m mad. If I am not as politically correct in my wording then please forgive me […]
Category: I’m only human
For several nights in a row I’ve had a dream about getting hugs from some beautiful black man. I know, right! The thing is, since I haven’t had a real hug since March the dream hugs have been nice and healing. In one dream he hugged me and held on. It was great and so […]
I told Dr D that I struggle to keep from resenting people who won’t keep good COVID-19 practices. I’ve been isolating for so long that it’s starting to wear on me. Seeing people go without a mask and go about like nothing is wrong, make it harder on the rest of us who are trying […]
I can’t seem to kick the idea that I am somehow dirty inside and out. I know why. I recall the names I was called so viciously. I just hate that even now, at 49, I want to protect people from my unclean feelings. I have a sweet little CNA that shows up daily. She’ll […]
Dr D and I talked about how I’m affected by what happened to me. I really just want to curl up and block everything out, I told him. He’s concerned. I feel a lot of fear. I also feel as if there’s a lot of pressure to be supportive of other survivors. It feels as […]
The Young One (my CNA) showed up looking lost. She put her head on the table and looked at her phone a bit. I didn’t know what to say. The thing is, she’s here to assist me, not the other way around. But my heart goes out to her. We didn’t talk much. We don’t […]
CONTENT – Talk of assault. No details I didn’t sleep well last night. I woke nearly every 2 hours. The stress from my CNA’s personal issues kept me awake. Yesterday morning my regular CNA, the one I call Youngen, didn’t come to work. No call to her supervisor was made so we assumed she wasn’t […]
Uterine Ablation Surgery I dropped a few tears because being wheeled back reminded me very much of going through the tough thrombectomy in 2018. The doctor asked why I was crying. He then said, you have PTSD from what you went through, don’t you? I shook my head yes. I’m a very hard stick and […]
Stress and anxiety have taken over the last two weeks. I stopped eating and took in fewer fluids than normal. I was exhausted. I could hardly breathe but my oxygen levels were very good so that made no sense. My chest was tight. I was faint, weak and had low blood pressure. They thought I […]
I’ll be getting tested for the first time ever tomorrow. I’m nervous but I’m also very, very exhausted. I can’t breathe very well. My lungs are burning. I can’t wheel myself about. My words have been slurred. I’m hungry but I’m too dag on tired to eat. My blood pressure has been so low that it’s […]