I’ve not shown off my Philodendron Hope plant in awhile. It’s growing out of two Betta tanks. I’m going to clip it back soon and allow certain leaves to mature. It’ll look nicer cut back. I have hope. There’s no doubt about the hope I have, but the path to…
Category: I’m only human
Pushing over the edge. Next step.
It’s a difficult time right now. Stress is high enough that my body is killing me. Stress is high enough that I’ve trusted too much due to mental exhaustion. I went running from the building bc I thought it was going to blow up. I thought God sent me a…
Teeth. Punishment. OCD.
I don’t deserve pretty dentures after the way I treated my natural teeth, that’s the way I thought anyway. So when it came time to choose the color of my dentures I didn’t want to choose a pretty white. I was going to choose a coffee drinker white, or a…
Eating Disorder Clinic. Outpatient Care Only.
Today I started care at the eating disorder clinic for abstinence and binge eating. I didn’t feel judged at all. I didn’t feel like my size disgusted them. I know not eating for 3 days is a problem but I didn’t realize it would be something to try to make…
Fear of Others Forgetting, Leaving, Criticizing.
To most I don’t look nearly as unhealthy as I am. Will people move on and expect me to keep up bc they think I look like I can? Will people remember how bad it was physically and emotionally and have grace for me when I get messed up during…
Life Today
My hospital bed allows me to sleep well. I can lift the head and feet which helps me rest. Joe turned 15 on the first. Come April my CNA will have been here for a full year. She treats me well. I have a CNA on Saturday too. I like…
Divided
Content – Dissociative Identity Disorder, Uncontrolled weight gain, CNA in public. Dr. D hasn’t changed my diagnosis. He still recognizes the disorder. He wanted to know if I believe that ‘they’ are all me and not actually separate. I said, I know it’s impossible to have more than one person…
Put Up or Shut Up
Content – Domestic Violence, sexual abuse, negative family response to child abuse, emotional, CNAs You know how you listen to a person complain but they fail to change what they’re complaining about? You try to be supportive but you just end up frustrated because the person will not make a…
Up Hill Battle – Art in progress
Content – Suicide, no details I’ve come to understand the semicolon to represent times when a person could have given up but didn’t. This is a miniature 3 part painting in progress. Acrylic and oil on 3×2 wood piece with rounded corners. This is about half way done. I don’t…
Bad Things Happen to Good People
It’s sobering to think that no matter what we do or don’t do, bad things happen, sometimes in rapid succession. There’s an historic example of a man who lost loved ones, employees, finances and his health in no time flat. When I think about his life before disasters struck, I…