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Anxiety I'm only human The People Behind My Eyes

CNA Chronicles: Race Matters

CONTENT: Race relations in my home with CNAs and country wide. Inequality for black and white-low income people. I’m so mad I can’t see straight. It’s just been pathetic. I’m mad for myself, for you and for future generations. I’m mad. If I am not as politically correct in my wording then please forgive me […]

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I'm only human Lupus The People Behind My Eyes Women

Hugging Dreams. Wheelchair Companions.

For several nights in a row I’ve had a dream about getting hugs from some beautiful black man. I know, right! The thing is, since I haven’t had a real hug since March the dream hugs have been nice and healing. In one dream he hugged me and held on. It was great and so […]

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Anxiety I'm only human PTSD The People Behind My Eyes Therapy Review

Therapy Review – Depression and Prolonged Isolation

I told Dr D that I struggle to keep from resenting people who won’t keep good COVID-19 practices. I’ve been isolating for so long that it’s starting to wear on me. Seeing people go without a mask and go about like nothing is wrong, make it harder on the rest of us who are trying […]

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(CRSD) Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy Anxiety I'm only human Lupus PTSD The People Behind My Eyes

Therapy Review: Dirty. Boxes. Pain.

I can’t seem to kick the idea that I am somehow dirty inside and out. I know why. I recall the names I was called so viciously. I just hate that even now, at 49, I want to protect people from my unclean feelings. I have a sweet little CNA that shows up daily. She’ll […]

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Abuse Anxiety I'm only human Major Depression PTSD The People Behind My Eyes Therapy Review

Therapy Review: Compartmentalizing Trauma

Dr D and I talked about how I’m affected by what happened to me. I really just want to curl up and block everything out, I told him. He’s concerned. I feel a lot of fear. I also feel as if there’s a lot of pressure to be supportive of other survivors. It feels as […]

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Abuse Anxiety I'm only human Major Depression PTSD The People Behind My Eyes

Quiet Connections

The Young One (my CNA) showed up looking lost. She put her head on the table and looked at her phone a bit. I didn’t know what to say. The thing is, she’s here to assist me, not the other way around. But my heart goes out to her. We didn’t talk much. We don’t […]

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I'm only human The People Behind My Eyes

CNA Chronicles – Our Hearts Bleed

CONTENT – Talk of assault. No details I didn’t sleep well last night. I woke nearly every 2 hours. The stress from my CNA’s personal issues kept me awake. Yesterday morning my regular CNA, the one I call Youngen, didn’t come to work. No call to her supervisor was made so we assumed she wasn’t […]

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Anxiety Chronic Pain I'm only human PTSD The People Behind My Eyes

Wellbeing

Uterine Ablation Surgery I dropped a few tears because being wheeled back reminded me very much of going through the tough thrombectomy in 2018. The doctor asked why I was crying. He then said, you have PTSD from what you went through, don’t you? I shook my head yes. I’m a very hard stick and […]

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Anxiety Chronic Pain I'm only human Major Depression PTSD The People Behind My Eyes

Anxiety the Giant

Stress and anxiety have taken over the last two weeks. I stopped eating and took in fewer fluids than normal. I was exhausted. I could hardly breathe but my oxygen levels were very good so that made no sense. My chest was tight. I was faint, weak and had low blood pressure. They thought I […]

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Anxiety I'm only human The People Behind My Eyes

Another COVID-19 Scare

I’ll be getting tested for the first time ever tomorrow. I’m nervous but I’m also very, very exhausted. I can’t breathe very well. My lungs are burning. I can’t wheel myself about. My words have been slurred. I’m hungry but I’m too dag on tired to eat. My blood pressure has been so low that it’s […]