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Anxiety Chronic Pain I'm only human Major Depression PTSD The People Behind My Eyes

Anxiety the Giant

Stress and anxiety have taken over the last two weeks. I stopped eating and took in fewer fluids than normal. I was exhausted. I could hardly breathe but my oxygen levels were very good so that made no sense. My chest was tight. I was faint, weak and had low blood pressure. They thought I […]

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Anxiety I'm only human The People Behind My Eyes

Another COVID-19 Scare

I’ll be getting tested for the first time ever tomorrow. I’m nervous but I’m also very, very exhausted. I can’t breathe very well. My lungs are burning. I can’t wheel myself about. My words have been slurred. I’m hungry but I’m too dag on tired to eat. My blood pressure has been so low that it’s […]

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Anxiety Chronic Pain I'm only human PTSD The People Behind My Eyes

A Little Reassurance

I went to see the General Practioner today. I thought it would be a long appointment but it wasn’t. I was happy about that. When I saw him, I got a lot of reassurance that the surgery will be just fine and that I’ll not have any bleeding issues as a result of the surgery. […]

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Anxiety Chronic Pain I'm only human Lupus PTSD Rag Doll Self Portrait The People Behind My Eyes Therapy Review

Therapy Review : Knowing Pain. Sorrow Dolls

Last week I made a statement in therapy that I had to reexamine. I said that all I know is pain. I’ve had Lupus since I was a child and I had my mother to deal with. Now I’ve got Lupus, other health issues and mental health issues, all very painful to live with. Maybe […]

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Anxiety Chronic Pain I'm only human Lupus The People Behind My Eyes Therapy Review

Therapy Review : Belonging

I told Dr D about my Nebula projector. He asked if I am feeling older and question my place in the universe. I certainly didn’t connect the two but he did. He mentioned that I turned 49 late August and that people in midlife begin to ask deeper questions about life and seek out stars […]

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Anxiety I'm only human The People Behind My Eyes

Patience still. Joy.

After effort to let go of worry and focus on what I have the ability to change, I was better able to sleep and eat without vomiting. I’ve had no overwhelming anxiety. I still have anxiety about this recent health issue but it’s not choking me like it was. For a minute there I started […]

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Anxiety I'm only human The People Behind My Eyes

Weepy. Wait and See?

I don’t know what my problem is but I am weepy today. I’ve been on the verge of tears all day. Finally I dropped a few tears when I ran across a painting created a long time ago that I’d forgotten about. I looked at it and it just touched me. I don’t know. It’s […]

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Anxiety I'm only human The People Behind My Eyes

A quiet Friday. Health update.

I woke from nightmares yet again, screaming myself awake. The cat looked at me like I’m crazy. I then hurried to get myself together before my CNA arrived. I didn’t want to be seen that frazzled and shaken. Despite a rough start, it looks like this evening will be quiet and unassuming. I’ve completed some […]

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Anxiety I'm only human Lupus The People Behind My Eyes

A New Course

I’m in the process of changing all my care to one hospital system instead of trying to have a Family Doctor who gives referrals to one hospital and a Hematologist and surgeon at a totally different hospital. For the sake of being clear on which hospital I want to go to I’ll just call it […]

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I'm only human Lupus

Results. Enough. I’ll keep going.

The results showed a 2x2x2 tumor in my uterus (about the size of a lime). They want to see about non-surgical treatments but if the Oncologist / Hematologist says I can’t take it because of my blood disorder then I have to have it surgically removed. The estimated time for healing I was given was […]