Dr D and I talked about how I’m affected by what happened to me. I really just want to curl up and block everything out, I told him. He’s concerned. I feel a lot of fear. I also feel as if there’s a lot of pressure to be supportive of other survivors. It feels as […]
Category: Major Depression
The Young One (my CNA) showed up looking lost. She put her head on the table and looked at her phone a bit. I didn’t know what to say. The thing is, she’s here to assist me, not the other way around. But my heart goes out to her. We didn’t talk much. We don’t […]
Stress and anxiety have taken over the last two weeks. I stopped eating and took in fewer fluids than normal. I was exhausted. I could hardly breathe but my oxygen levels were very good so that made no sense. My chest was tight. I was faint, weak and had low blood pressure. They thought I […]
He’s a chatter box kitty but as sweet as can be. He sleeps on my chest and purrs. He gives me little cat kisses. This is my new buddy Joey. Joey is a tabby male, neutered and 9 yrs old. He’s calm and friendly to visitors. He doesn’t know a stranger. He’s got big, bright […]
I left something behind in the hospital. Under pain and pressure my mind split and broke, but it’s much more than that. I’ve been shaken to the core. I feel like I should apologize for still talking about the affects of the hospitalization, like I should be over this. Anyway, what Dr. D and I […]
Content – Extreme physical abuse, siblings abused, emotional abuse We talked about the dream I had where my mother beat my sister without mercy. It was brutal. She did so in a separate room from me, my cousin and 2 aunts. It was so bad and went on so long that I risked myself by […]
Thirteen years I walked past my therapist’s Christmas Cactus and never thought to ask for a start until now. The three spider plant starts from the surgeon are growing like weeds. They were so tiny when I got them. I snagged a start from the hospital’s bed of pathos. It’s being rooted in the fish […]
Today is one of those days where I feel the weight of what happened in the hospital. I feel shocked, stunned, grieved. I can only describe it as a train wreck where I can still hear the sound of metal crumbling around me. What I feel today must be what I was feeling when I […]
My physical wounds have healed faster than emotional wounds. There’s a real fear that time will pass, I’ll ‘look better’, and people will forget that on the inside I’m still struggling. When all this first happened and for the entire 5 months, friends leaped to my assistance. I had more visitors than I knew what […]
I feel a quiet desperation inside. I’ve had nightmare for the past few nights and have had a hard time waking up during the day. I’m exhausted. I don’t feel worthy of much. I sometimes hate myself enough to want to slice my arms to shreds. I have not and will not, but I recognize […]