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Abuse Anxiety I'm only human Major Depression PTSD The People Behind My Eyes Therapy Review

Therapy Review: Compartmentalizing Trauma

Dr D and I talked about how I’m affected by what happened to me. I really just want to curl up and block everything out, I told him. He’s concerned. I feel a lot of fear. I also feel as if there’s a lot of pressure to be supportive of other survivors. It feels as […]

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Abuse Anxiety I'm only human Major Depression PTSD The People Behind My Eyes

Quiet Connections

The Young One (my CNA) showed up looking lost. She put her head on the table and looked at her phone a bit. I didn’t know what to say. The thing is, she’s here to assist me, not the other way around. But my heart goes out to her. We didn’t talk much. We don’t […]

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Anxiety Chronic Pain I'm only human Major Depression PTSD The People Behind My Eyes

Anxiety the Giant

Stress and anxiety have taken over the last two weeks. I stopped eating and took in fewer fluids than normal. I was exhausted. I could hardly breathe but my oxygen levels were very good so that made no sense. My chest was tight. I was faint, weak and had low blood pressure. They thought I […]

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Cats Chronic Pain I'm only human Lupus Major Depression The People Behind My Eyes

Joey

He’s a chatter box kitty but as sweet as can be. He sleeps on my chest and purrs. He gives me little cat kisses. This is my new buddy Joey. Joey is a tabby male, neutered and 9 yrs old. He’s calm and friendly to visitors. He doesn’t know a stranger. He’s got big, bright […]

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Artists Thoughts Lupus Major Depression PTSD The People Behind My Eyes

Therapy Review : Security Shaken

I left something behind in the hospital. Under pain and pressure my mind split and broke, but it’s much more than that. I’ve been shaken to the core. I feel like I should apologize for still talking about the affects of the hospitalization, like I should be over this. Anyway, what Dr. D and I […]

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Abuse Dreams Major Depression Multiple Personality Disorder PTSD Siblings abused The People Behind My Eyes Therapy Review

Therapy Review : Dreams. Hallucinations.

Content – Extreme physical abuse, siblings abused, emotional abuse We talked about the dream I had where my mother beat my sister without mercy. It was brutal. She did so in a separate room from me, my cousin and 2 aunts. It was so bad and went on so long that I risked myself by […]

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(CRSD) Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy Lupus Major Depression Multiple Personality Disorder PTSD The People Behind My Eyes

Memory Plants

Thirteen years I walked past my therapist’s Christmas Cactus and never thought to ask for a start until now.  The three spider plant starts from the surgeon are growing like weeds. They were so tiny when I got them. I snagged a start from the hospital’s bed of pathos. It’s being rooted in the fish […]

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Anxiety Art Art therapy Faces Lupus Major Depression Multiple Personality Disorder Originals PTSD Sketchbook diary Surreal The People Behind My Eyes

Strong Enough

Today is one of those days where I feel the weight of what happened in the hospital. I feel shocked, stunned, grieved. I can only describe it as a train wreck where I can still hear the sound of metal crumbling around me. What I feel today must be what I was feeling when I […]

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Anxiety ART GALLERY Digital Art Lupus Major Depression PTSD Self Portrait Sketchbook diary The People Behind My Eyes

Don’t Forget Me

My physical wounds have healed faster than emotional wounds. There’s a real fear that time will pass, I’ll ‘look better’, and people will forget that on the inside I’m still struggling. When all this first happened and for the entire 5 months, friends leaped to my assistance. I had more visitors than I knew what […]

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Chronic Pain Major Depression The People Behind My Eyes

Desperation and Depression

I feel a quiet desperation inside. I’ve had nightmare for the past few nights and have had a hard time waking up during the day. I’m exhausted. I don’t feel worthy of much. I sometimes hate myself enough to want to slice my arms to shreds. I have not and will not, but I recognize […]