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hate life renewed energy Sundrip

I Can Keep Going was drawn by Robert (19) with writing by Michelle (12).

What stands out in this piece for me is the brick wall on the shoulders of the largest figure. We are feeling a lot of pressure right now.

I like how Michelle processes things: This is how I feel. This is the reality. This is supporting truth.

I've not been suicidal but life has felt like a burden, emotionally and physically painful. Several factors played into not getting enough sleep so that was a problem, too. Each day is a struggle that feels like a losing battle but the reality is I've made progress and I'm moving forward in many healthier ways. I slip up, like the other day with self harm, but I also put in place safety plans and try to find ways to help myself. Lavender in the nose and on my feet has helped tremendously, so has the art sketchbook. It feels like a losing battle but it is not. I know I can keep going, and I will.

The art piece was created in watercolor and is 7.5 x 10 inches on 98lb paper.



A few things have changed in my health but I'm hanging in. I didn't have to go in. There were some things that could be done outpatient and in the ER. I'm relieved not to have spent days locked in the hospital!

There are some dietary changes. It would appear that green drinks are not good for people w my blood disorder. Without knowing, I was putting down one of the highest vitamin K drinks you can make, which I should not have been doing. This is the second time one of my holistic steps has backfired. Though my GP and I agreed my symptoms were severe and I should use Black Cohosh to relieve menapause symptoms, someone w my clotting disorder should NEVER use that, not EVER! I didn't know that. I do now and I'm under quality guidance now, too.

I've been getting quite an education on what to do and what not to do. I've been learning about how my own blood system works and about what makes blood clot and what makes it thin. This is very important bc it seems all sorts of things change blood thickness. Everything from olive oil to Marijuana to Turmeric and even many essential oils can thin the blood or clot it. Care has to be taken with such items and some avoided all together... not Marijuana though. Thinning the blood or not, MMJ and tea are part of my daily life.

I have to several limit how much Matcha and other green tea I drink bc of my blood disorder but I need not avoid them at this time. There was only one food item I was killing myself with in mass quantities that I must leave behind. My love of greens must die! Kale is not my friend. It hates me and wants to kill me. Lol It has paired w my immune system, which also hates me. I can't get rid of my immune system but I must leave kale and greens behind. My second fav is cooked spinach. I can have it but I can't over do it

So, I'm home, hanging out with the frogs. Doing my best to stay encouraged. One such way to do that is to drink coffee. Yup, coffee. It's a coffee kinda day. Oh, ohhhh oh! I found coffee from Congo on Amazon. My black tea from Kenya was on there, too. I must splurge and have coffee from my grandfather's country of Congo.



I've been tickled all day that a new leaf on my single leaf Pathos is growing. 🙂 This plant is special because its the only Pathos that made it from the old apartment. The other plants are gone except a friend saved a tiny, itty bitty little plant. Having it feels like a little piece of the old life was saved, ya know?

joy of pathos
Wrigley watches with sleepy eyes.
Whites Tree Frog Sundrip
...continue reading "Watch it Grow"


Big tea cup Yup! Today I became momma to 3 baby Australian Tree Frogs. I couldn't be happier!

I saved money then walked in the store and purchased the tank, stand, frogs and supplies. I walked out a happy camper.

I keep looking at the terrarium, just staring at it. Soon I'll have good photos but for now my word must be taken for it that these babies are the cutest things in the history of ever. They're smaller than a quarter, tiny things. They'll get big soon enough though. I purchased a tank large enough that I won't need to upgrade later. I'm thrilled to have something to fuss over and love. Now I have a Betta fish, frogs and a pet snail. Yay!

Here's a shot of me at Michael's craft store holding a gigantic tea cup. Earl Gray would have been great. Soon my wine yeast will arrive in the mail and I can start the first batch of the year. A big cup is great for wine, too.

Baby pics update

Baby frog



Do you know what it means when hair grows on your legs? It's not just an inconvenience for Westernized women, it's a sign of health. For years my legs had no hair because of the edema and other issues. Now, with less edema, with better circulation and healthier blood I actually have hair growing on my legs. Now, I'm not rivaling Sasquatch or anything but its enough that I'll remove it, finally. I had to look at it for a bit and be sure that it really was going to keep growing. I'll spare you the photographs, just take my word for it, it's growing.

I'm healthier inside and that's something to be grateful for today. Hairy legs, what it means, I'm grateful for that. I'm grateful for my little measure of health.



I need a blog entry so I've decided to interview myself. The questions and answers are off the top of my head. I'll do 5 questions.

Question: Faith, what have you done this week to improve your quality of life?

Answer: Wow. That's tough. Off the top of my head I'd say I have worked on better accepting the amputation this week. I've been doing some encouraging reading and feel a little more hopeful about things.

Question: What have you done in the past week as an act of self kindness?

Answer: I've let go of my mistakes. When mistakes have been made I've quieted the cruel, crushing voice in my head that shames me. The nicest thing I can do for me is to speak to myself kindly.

Question: What do you think about Dr L, the surgeon?

Answer: I find him intriguing but he makes me nervous. I can't tell if he's angry. I have a need to please him and follow instructions for my foot 'just so'. I don't want to disappoint him. I always forget what he looks like until I see him. There's a great deal of trust in him concerning my foot. There's a need to put up a wall between me and him. I'd say I'm all over the map with him. The man cut off my toes, I assure you my feelings are complex.

Question: Are you going to date again, do you have someone in mind?

Answer: Yes. I've been thinking about dating again. There's no one in mind at the moment.

Question: Why do you want to date?

Answer: I want the fairy tale. I want to get old with someone. I want to sit on the porch and watch the birds, read together, have tea together and be happy. I want to be past youthfulness, past childbearing years and more settled in who I am. I want him to be past the crazy years, working through midlife crisis and settled in who he is. I hope I can find him.

After answering these questions there's one thing that stands out, I'm future oriented. I think a lot about what I want and how I want to feel. Also, I think a lot. Lol

Things I'm grateful for this week 

  1. I think it's super cool that Dr L is treating the amputation site with medical honey.
  2. I've been moved to the rehab section of the nursing center which is much more lively and very much what I need to stay on the healing path.
  3. I had a lavender and hemp foot soak on the left foot. It was great.
  4. I can reach down to my feet and put on my own socks. I only put a sock on the left for now.
  5. I am back to transferring myself from the wheelchair to the restroom on my own. I'm back to being able to get dressed on my own. It feels good!
  6. The nurse finally gave me a razor to shave my mustache. I was 2 whiskers away from changing my name to Steve. Thank goodness for razors.


Dear Head,

We aren't friends today. Your behavior has divided us, putting a rift and a scar in an already shakey relationship. At this very second I can't tell the world all you've done because my body is attacking me with the strongest sleep spell I've ever felt. This half awake, druling, snoring, head bobbing, heavy eyed fight has been lost. I'm captive with no choice but to surrender. However, when I'm released, I'm going to tell them everything. I'm going to spill my guts and tell the world how you, brain, tried your best to depress, discourage and break me. I'm going to tell them everything as soon as my body releases me.

Lupus fatigue & depression, bites.

Teach Her How to Grow If ever I needed to hear a mother's wise voice it's now. For many women, we don't have the option of calling mom to ask midlife questions. We end up spinning out here, losing our minds, not understanding that there's a logical explanation for what's going on.

I have laughed at older women and thought they were making too much of hot flashes and such but here I sit at the beginning of what can only be described at hell and I am not laughing. Who knew that perimenopause and menopause would make me feel crazy? ...continue reading "A Mother’s Knowledge – The Menopause Talk"

Where There's Tea There's Hope Copyright SundripI did it. I went to meet with the two people I'll write letters with for the winter project. It went very well. I had sweet potato pie and Kenyan tea.

I didn't drop a tear, didn't show anxiety too much.

We discussed topics to include in the letters and how to address some of the elderly individuals. I used my special calligraphy style pen gifted to me. 🙂

I'd already started the winter project two weeks ago when my friend got the flu. Recently I got a response from a letter. It blew me away. All it said was, "I love you. Thank you so much." That was the response I got from a home bound person who received a letter from me two weeks ago.  If nothing else makes me smile, that certainly does.

SOLD Where There's Tea There's Hope

I once said that what I intend to do with my training is encourage people professionally. I got laughed at when I said that. The people who get letters aren't laughing but my heart smiles thinking that I could be part of something that  matters. This is part of my reason for waking up.



It's raining, my least favorite weather condition. Man I hate water. I was supposed to work on that this year but other things took center stage.

This morning when I saw the rain I put the covers over my head and refused to budge, however, Clyde needed to go out so get up I did. Its funny because as soon as I opened the door he decided he could hold it. I thought, oh heck no. I got up, got dressed, buddy, you're getting wet. I felt bad for him though so we came in after completing half his business.

Yesterday was Tuesday which means I should have made fresh bread but that didn't happen.

This morning I wanted French toast or maybe an omelet but I settled for candy corn and coffee. ...continue reading "Indecision. Starting Over."

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