Sundrip Journals
It came in the mail. I’m so happy to wear mine!
You are enough. The world is a better place with you in it.
Love, the person in front you.
I’ve gotten one person respond with a heartfelt thank you. I’ve gotten tears, a thanks from a boy who felt confident in his youth. One lady saw a way to make fast money, another said the world is a better place with me in it, too. Thank you for that!
I love this shirt.
Live Free. Create Well. Sundrip.
The third cup was delightful!
Anxiety has been rather high as neighbors try me…. My paint brushes fly in an embarrassing flurry. My heart is troubled. I remember I have coping skills. I have friends and I have anger enough to propel me forward one more step, one more day.
Faith Magdalene
Finishing “Awake” took much effort but it is here, reworked, beaming with color and striking details.
Bellow are my comments.
I woke to a new existence somewhere unknown, they called it a stroke. Now words come like slow snails, or they are kidnapped so as not to form on my chapped lips.
I painted the emotional roller-coaster I felt as I played tug of war with my body, emotions, speech and interpersonal relationships. Ultimately I felt lost, defeated and misunderstood. I also thought I’d never paint again.
Grueling therapy and persistence with paint brushes helped me get to the point where I can say I’m awake. I’m awake to what has happened and the I’m happy the hardest part of it is behind me. Awake is about surviving the body after stroke and making it my new home.
You will find more images and a short video on Etsy. I also accept PayPal.
Thank you for letting me talk. Thank you for visiting SUNDRIP Art for Life.
Faith Magdalene
I intended to keep the colors brighter like always, shockingly bright, but this time darker colors felt right.
The rainbow was given a darker red and a mustard yellow stripe in a midnight blue sky. The clothing of the figures is in plum, dark red, green and blue.
As I worked I realized the high amount of frustration and anger associated with feeling like a freak; feeling broken if not shatteted. Line after line I drew myself shatteted for the last time! I will not do it again.
I felt so hidden behind the lines, even hidden from myself. I’ve described being a multiple like looking into carnival mirrors. It’s hard to know who is who. Well, I may not always know the who but I do know The Way.
I need hope too. I don’t feel hopeless but sometimes I feel like I’m in prison here. I wish I could leave. This isn’t my home anymore. However, I can’t just up and go in the middle of the night – won’t up and go like that. I’ll move somewhere safe, clean. One thing is for sure, there’s no more peace here.
The painting will be in the shop very soon. Check my Etsy.
Faith
This is about the stress and pressure from people telling me what I should be doing and me having a hard time finishing projects. Slowly but surely they are being completed, this one too very, very soon. –
Sometimes I feel like a freak but I try to hide it.
I try to blend in.
Say the right things, the right way.
I want to hold my face in the expression allowing emotions of the moment to show, balancing them on my brow and tongue like a real live woman.
I’m not normal. I’m not and the effort it takes to be, exhausts my tired spirit.
Sometimes I feel lost.
I’m lost
as ink scratches on
9×12 pads
roads and hills,
lands of dramatic color and wonder.
With each stroke of the pen to paper you hear the symphony of my madness.
There’s stress in the ink, acrylic and experimental designs. Stress to do it your way.
Change. Spotlight. Museum. Gallery. Gala. Teach. Speak, Lead!
Don’t waste your voice, your voice, your voice, your voice.
The art stops. The freak is seen clearer. And everyone finally goes home.
Faith Magdalene
The Deluge is complete and is in my Etsy shop. One of the things I point out about the balance. The woman standing has legs and feet that are wound around. Each foot meets a tiger lily, a child and a purple flower in full bloom.
It is haunting in some areas. Those are the areas to leave behind. Those are the areas of the past that I can’t take with me to the future that I am building here. I’m not going to another planet. I’m right here. But some of these things need to swim free because they no longer have a place here.
If you visit my Etsy it’s worded better 🙂 You may also purchase through PayPal. Please see appropriate email address on the contact me area.
Thank you for listening,
Faith
“The Southeastern Blue Bird Learns A New Song” is a folk art original painting by Faith Austin. At 6.5×4.5 inches it’s miniature stature delights you with her song as she sits on a stick in the forest.
The song is new; it’s the song her father once sang. The young Blue Bird has yet to master it but she will, before the day ends.
This whimsical, folkart piece includes faux blue and orange features, music notes, flowers, branch, acrylic on paper, ink, water, wind and hope. She is signed, sealed and unmounted.
Etsy You can find me there.
Faith
I’ve written several paragraphs only to erase them. I’m emotional and all over the place only to come to rest on afraid. I’m afraid.
The way through will be long and arduous.
I don’t feel so good.
The man and his company who called me pious and lion like has been fired. Knowing I hate water he said I’d enjoy two showers a day and that the caregiver would need to daily check my skin in the shower for possible skin infections. He would be the one to take me to the grocery and pet store, not the caregiver. If he didn’t want my case he should have just said so. There are over 700 companies in my area I can call on for care, seven hundred. The thought of that man returning makes my skin crawl.
Beans. I’m on a bean kick again. Legumes are my friends.
The Psychiatric Service Dog will be about $17,000. Everyone is on board with the idea of me getting one. I’ll start looking into grants soon.
I hope to paint soon, too but Covid is kicking my butt. No changes either way. Today I tore up an orange juice spiked with coconut water. Very refreshing. I later had a chicken thigh, fresh fruit, cheddar cheese and a slice of avocado.
My bblood pressure has been all over the place, dipping way down. My body temp even dipped to 96.9. I’ve sweat like nobody’s business! This is crazy.
Poor Joe has been alarmed. He’s sticking very close.
He’s such a good guy even when he smacks me in the head with his tail.
Faith
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and Eating Disorders occur together up to 40% of the time. My OCD and my eating disorder have gone untreated because there were other things that took first place like getting me emotionally stable so I could stay out of the psych ward, moving to stable housing, stabilizing dissociation and of course getting beyond the hospitalization in 2018. There’s always been something to push attention elsewhere.
Dr D and I have been discussing OCD regularly, and I’m still reading the OCD workbook. That’s going slowly because it’s very triggering. I discovered one of the most traumatic memories wasn’t my mother being abusive but having strong OCD symptoms for which she never sought help.
Every year when we went to Kentucky we crossed a bridge. While crossing we had to sit perfectly still for fear of triggering my mother, who said she’d drive over the edge. THAT is part of her OCD. At a reoccurring meeting, I worried I’d stand up and scream the F-word. THAT is the same kind of symptom from the disorder I inherited from her.
My mother and I share quite a few symptoms. We both need to see our belongings. I arrange and rearrange my apartment almost daily. It used to be daily. Now it’s once a week. The meds for OCD have helped me in many ways.
I keep quite a few art supplies out for two reasons; 1- easy to access 2- easy to see them, which brings me comfort.
Right now I’m having a difficult time with compulsive eating. There’s the obsessive thoughts followed by the compulsion. A box of 10 Twinkies was purchased the other day. Once the box is opened I’m compelled to eat the entire thing or risk something bad happening to me. I’m not sure what, but it happens with most packages of food. If I open it I’m compelled to eat the whole thing. I’ll eat during the day and night. I’ll wake up in the middle of the night until the item has been completely eaten. This means high calories that don’t get worked off like they used to. To make matters worse, three of my most vital medications has the side effect of increased appetite. I have that pulling on me and OCD associated eating.
There’s no strong emotion followed by binging. It’s obsessive thoughts followed by binging and compulsive eating. I don’t purge in any way though it has recently crossed my mind. I don’t want to gain more weight but I also don’t want to ever purge again, in any way.
I have to say, being in a wheelchair has increased pacing, rocking, counting and staying awake until I absolutely have to go to sleep. Then when I’m sleeping I don’t want to wake up. These may not all be OCD issues. I just recognize these behaviors in myself.
It can sometimes take
The book has really helpful information but as I said, it’s triggering because it brings back unwanted memories of my mother and her extreme behavior.
I’m unaware of aunts having OCD. As far as I know it’s in the immediate bloodline. It goes from my mother to my sister and me. It’s as disruptive in my life as dissociation.
Art
The woman feels very judged and misunderstood.
The 12×9 collage is on heavy paper and includes words and phrases cut out and strategically placed. It’s a work in progress. I’ve got to figure out what to do with the background. I started this piece today. I hope to finish it and one other piece very soon. The below piece is called The Deluge. The eating disorder piece is called Dignity.
Faith
Anxiety, her name is Faith
This last week has been trying. My head tried to take me down depression street. I needed rest from the world so I turned my phone on do not disturb for the most of the day. I’m definitely trying to take one day at a time but there’s so much from yesterday that plagues me today. Today I had yet another tooth that broke off at the gum line. Unfortunately, it’s in the front.
I have issues with dental hygiene because I can’t use toothbrushes. I can’t stand the way it feels in my mouth. The dentist gave me mouthwash but the damage to my teeth is significant. If I had it to do all over again I’d find a way to keep them healthy. How, I don’t know.
I’m painting a piece about loss and finding traction to move forward. This is much larger than usual for me. I’ve been planning a painting where the wheelchair is made of sunflowers.
It feels like a piece that is helping me truly let go of some of these things that pain me. It’s no where near finished but working on it has helped me deal with overwhelming anxiety.
My little place genuinely feels like an art studio now that I’ve got a bunch of art in various stages of completion.
I’m pleased that my little bag holder doll with glasses has found a home. The glasses were the final touch. 🙂
Despite the fact that it’s not even midnight, I’m going to take a PRN and go to sleep. Joe and I need a fresher start tomorrow. Better sleep will do a lot to make tomorrow better than today. Let’s just hope I don’t need to go to the restroom every 2 hours like last night.
Dang, menopause is kicking my butt! Is my bladder the size of a pea now? In addition to menopause, my bladder is over active when I’m feeling stressed. It’s helpful to know my symptoms (over active bladder) so I can then respond appropriately; manage stress better, don’t internalize so much.
In addition to snuggling with Joe, I’m looking forward having dinner with friends, at my place, on Sunday.
Faith