Bonfire. The most exciting news is that I was able to go to the bonfire my friends had. It was wonderful! I got to pet a cute puppy ??. Then when it got dark the kids put glow sticks on. They made glow stick glasses, ears and bracelets then played tag in the dark. It was one of the most pure things I’ve seen in a long time.

Sitting there with my friends I thought back to when I asked why I even survived the events of 2018. Life was unbearable and I wonder why on earth I survived just to feel so hopeless. Now the public health emergencies have ended and I don’t need to isolate any longer. So I went to the bonfire and laughed with friends I’ve known from 10 to 30 years. There were smores, BBQ and innocent fun. That is why I survived 2018. Moments like the night of the bonfire, that is what I survived for!

I was in the hospital 2 weeks ago which totally freaked me out and triggered PTSD issues. I managed it though.

I had the opportunity to put my feet in grass again, which was the first time since the amputation. Unfortunately, I can’t feel the grass anymore, there’s just not enough feeling in that foot. Later I thought about how I can put my palms in the grass instead of trying to feel it on the surviving foot. It’s also come to my attention that I can do grounding / earthing with the palms of my hands …… I find it interesting that when primarily people of color didn’t wear shoes it was a reason to call us uncivilized. Now it’s earthing / grounding.

DID and Mental Health Its noteworthy that during my mental health breakdown during the pandemic, I had a split. I’ve done so much work integrating but I’m susceptible to splitting again, and I have. I talked to Dr D about it bc I recognized 2 people here who had been integrated. It’s taken a few months for me to be certain that Maureen and Crystal have split off again. I’m not a doctor so I can’t give specifics on how, but I’m 100% certain of it. I’m kind of embarrassed.

It was the assault that sealed my decision not to further integrate. I have who I have. Lol. Of course I’m staying in therapy, it’s just not with the goal of integration.

So this is my long, drawn out entry about all that’s happening over here on Sundrip and in the last few weeks. ???? Some things are trying, but I’ve made a lot of progress on the new psych meds. I’m pleased with the spot I’m in. I can now stand to be in my skin.

Thanks for hanging in and reading my updates.

Until soon,


2 thoughts on “Bonfire. Dissociative Identity Disorder.

  1. I reacted to the pandemic similarly so I understand. Trust is very difficult for me then suddenly I couldn’t even trust the air I breathe anymore. I started to hallucinate even. The pandemic was such a shock to my system (meaning whole body and mind) I couldn’t process it. The entire world became scary so for awhile my mind split to help me cope. So it makes sense that to of your others came back to help.

    I’m glad you survived the hospital visit. You seem to have learned so much about how to journey through painful and difficult places I see a lot in your writings about how you self care, find beauty and comfort around you, ask for help (even though it is hard), and have found hope. That has taken a tremendous amount of work and courage!

  2. Thank you for telling me about your pandemic experience. I didn’t realize how many of my 3D friends truly suffered through the pandemic. We lost 4 people to COVID before the shots came out. That was just my congregation. A lady lost 35 (thirty-five) family members, one after the other, to covid before the shots. Her heart ache was unmeasurable.

    It felt like I was going to Zoom funerals every weekend. But emotionally, people really had a hard time. I saw the people in China dealing with a zero covid policy. I understand it but man that place is shut down and the people are hostages at this point. Their mental health will certainly suffer, too. It’s a scary thing to have covid-19 get a foothold on one of the most densely populated countries like China. They’re policies may be saving lives but a mental health pandemic will be the final result. Just like the United States, they won’t be ready for it.

No need to feel nervous, comment if you'd like.