The Avascular necrosis gets pretty bad. Despite glasses and beginning to lose 30 pounds, my eyesight continues to be a problem because of Pseudotumor cerebri. Sometimes I can’t see with or without the glasses. Peripheral vision is zero which makes interacting with people at the store very difficult. Unless the…
Category: Chronic Pain
This Body and Mind on Vacation
There’s no one word to describe the trip. I’ll try to list a few: successful, physically painful all the way up to excruciating. I was joyful, energized. The trip was sobering with quite a few insightful moments. I laughed a lot. No tears at all. Driving down and back was…
Sobering Concerns. Uncertainty. Self Doubt
I was in the hospital worried for my new family and my friends who have been through the storm with me. How can I ask them to stick this out, again? I feel guilty about the news I got from test results. I wasn’t expecting it at all. A downloaded…
My Goals are Still in Sight
I’m still rolling. 🙂 What an exciting few weeks. I went from mourning my old CNA to getting a new one with whom I am very well matched. Having her means I can let her do some things and leave other things to me. I can keep up with my…
Wheelchair Life: Grow Where You Want to Grow
I’m in my feelings today. I feel very limited, if not left behind. I’m mad at wheelchair life right now. I truly enjoyed being at the park with friends for a bonfire back in October. That was so healing. Right now though, I long to wander, to hike trails and…
Stand and wait
I will wait I know how it feels to be so broken that it felt as if I’d die where I lay. But it’s true, if you hang on for one more day the urge to act in a permanent way will not be as strong. When I couldn’t pick…
Sewing with a machine as an amputee
I sat down to hand sew dolls but my hands cramped and spasmed terribly. I thought I’d try to see if I could use my sewing machine despite half a foot amputated and despite significant nerve damage. I had my CNA bring it to the table but I didn’t try…
Sketchbook Pages: Uprooted
I feel uprooted. Everything is different. My home is great but I’ve not laid down roots here. Most of my possessions are new because the old got thrown out. The only photo of my father that I had was thrown away accidentally. It is gone forever and it hurts. My…
Painting Feelings
In the hospital I felt guilty for putting my friends through worry for me. I felt bad that they worried for five long months, especially around surgeries. When things would get harry I felt horrible for putting people through tears and worry. In this art piece that expresses the guilt,…
Three Birds
Fifteen days total but halfway through I began to lose myself to the constant and extreme pain. My medication cocktail sometimes caused me to see dragons and aliens. I’d been in intensive care for the bilateral pulmonary embolism and life threatening blood clots. I was about to begin a chapter…