The People Behind My Eyes

Moving forward with ambivalence – I will be different.

2016 was bad, 2017 was worse and 2018 isn’t looking that great either. Don’t make me act like this is all going to be pretty ’cause it’s not. However, no matter what the world does I will focus on my goals and remember who I am as a person. This is all I can do […]

(CRSD) Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy Chronic Pain Lupus The People Behind My Eyes

Weather. Desensitization Therapy. Courage and Resilience.

It’s cold, dead cold freezing my bones in place. bones that aren’t, squeak and squawk at the audacious request to carry me. **** It’s supposed to be bitter cold for the next 10 days. I just want the barometric pressure to stabilize, at least my pain would be tolerable. Right now my hands and knees […]

Art Expressionsim Life is like a box of Sketchbook diary The People Behind My Eyes Women of Strength

A Mother’s Knowledge – The Menopause Talk

If ever I needed to hear a mother’s wise voice it’s now. For many women, we don’t have the option of calling mom to ask midlife questions. We end up spinning out here, losing our minds, not understanding that there’s a logical explanation for what’s going on. I have laughed at older women and thought […]

Art Nature and People

A Frog named Lentil

This is Lentil, my Australian Tree Frog. This morning I woke to find three beautiful mushrooms in Lentil’s terrarium. The mushrooms grew out of a patch of orange moss that grows along side driftwood stationed close to the watering hole. Although these frogs will tolerate being held, it’s not suggested you do so. I hardly […]

Anxiety The People Behind My Eyes

Dog and Frog

Clyde is needy, so am I. He too jumps at the slightest noise.  Even though he’s anxious, he’s protective of me. He knows what it means when alarms go off 4 times a day. Two of those times he’s going to eat, which he loves to do. He’s such a good boy, gentle yet playful and […]

Acrylic on Paper Anxiety Art Artists Thoughts Expressionsim Originals Paintings Self Portrait Surreal

See Volumes. Art Confidence.

I’m hesitant to publish work like this because of the dark lines and how packed it is, full of images, but it represents my head in an accurate way. It shows the full, always thinking, always moving, nearly manic thought processes inside my head. Why would I hesitate to post that type of truth in […]

Dreams PTSD Siblings abused The People Behind My Eyes

Snoring. Dreaming of Flashbacks. Losing Mary Jane.

There’s something about having another living thing making noise that helps me feel less alone. Skip to 20 seconds for the start. His big performance is at 55 seconds. This is what Clyde does while doing his service dog duties of laying on my legs to help with the pain. He falls asleep and snores. […]

Dreams The People Behind My Eyes

Dream: Free Reign. Hatred and Racism

I had a dream that I had two roommates in a house where students rented rooms. I was a renter as well. I had permission to decorate the living room which I did with plants and art. Then some other student came in and completely rearranged the living room using my plants and my art. […]

I'm only human The People Behind My Eyes Therapy Review

THERAPY REVIEW: Confidence. Being Heard. Suicide. Perimenopause.

Dr. D and I discussed the paragraph in my entry where I said I feel as though he drops the ball when the issue of suicide comes up. When I first went in to therapy I was nervous. I didn’t want to be there at all because I knew I was going to talk to […]

I'm only human The People Behind My Eyes

Guilt for suicidal feelings

I’m going to turn comments off for this entry I want to say I’m sorry for writing so much about feeling suicidal. I feel like I of all people should never feel this way, not after losing my brother to suicide, not after being so angry with my sister for feeling this way. I feel […]