Blue. That color has been in my head for weeks now. Blue, midnight blue. Something’s brewing. I wonder how it will culminate on canvas.
I’m holding on to this one, whatever it is, whatever this painting is in my head I’m holding on to it, refusing for now to put it on canvas. I remember this feeling when I was in college. I had an idea for a painting. I could FEEL it but I waited and waited until I was nearly in a frenzy before I picked up a brush. It was desperation, a boiling over of every emotion detained for how ever long its sentence.
I remember driving to the store that night to get the canvas. The store was used to me pacing up and down the canvas aisle looking, touching, shaking my head, rejecting and finally choosing the perfect one. They figured it was best to leave this maniac alone, the one who often came 30 minutes before closing.
I drove home with purpose. The details of the painting were coming in to focus. The painting wasn’t just in my mind, it felt like it was on my heart and that if I held it in any longer I’d combust.
I got home where everything had already been put in its place. The 5 foot canvas was stationed. Once I picked up the brush and heard the slide of paint on the canvas, saw the color stand up, there was no turning back. I painted for three days straight. It was exhilarating, exhausting, satisfying. At the last stroke there was a sigh of relief as if I’d released myself.
There was grief that for the empty space but only for a moment. I’d cleared my head and my heart, and stored it in color. The experience was extraordinary but there was grief at the end, a feeling of emptiness.
For weeks now I’ve seen the color blue in my head. I’ve seen blue and I’ve felt the sense of urgency that graduates to a monumental purging of emotion and energy. I’ve only a handful of paintings created with this feeling that goes beyond passion and boarders madness.
What will blue bring? Or should I say, what will blue release?