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Anxiety I'm only human PTSD The People Behind My Eyes

Coping Safely. Lavender Weaponry.

As one can imagine, last night was rather rough. I believe I came to a pass where I refused to accept anymore stress that eats me up and spits me out. Depression flattens me on my back, anger makes me get up and move. Last night I got up and moved. I moved past the […]

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Abuse Anxiety Art ART GALLERY Art therapy Originals Paper PTSD Sketchbook diary Surreal The People Behind My Eyes

Finishing Work

I’ve been finishing work in my books. I set a goal this year to finish work I started but there was an interruption that put me behind. I decided after I got out of the hospital to pick up where I left off with finishing work. Here is one of the key pieces I wanted […]

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Dreams PTSD Siblings abused

Dreams: Burying Fantasies

Content: Aunt tried to kill herself. Brief discussion of cocaine. Death. The gist is that my aunt refused to call me by my name, called me everything else. I refused to answer. Then she called me a ‘bitch’ so I gave her a full account of how much I hate her. I reminded her that […]

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Abuse I'm only human PTSD Siblings abused The People Behind My Eyes Therapy Review Women

Therapy Review: Hard Choices and Boundaries with Family

Dr. D and I discussed a situation with my sister that came up that required I stick to my boundaries, as hard as it is to do. Despite my mother having gainful employment, we spent a lot of time living in the car. I have slept with frost over me, slept on the wet street […]

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Abuse Art Art therapy PTSD The People Behind My Eyes Therapy Review Tree Art

Mother’s and Grey Elephants

I’ve thought a lot of my mother lately. In therapy Friday afternoon we talked about traveling, the orchestra, theater, opera and all the cultural things she loved. It’s a strange contrast between the tyrant and the artist but there was in fact a contrast, one I loved. I recall my mother singing around the house. […]

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Dreams PTSD Siblings abused The People Behind My Eyes

Dream Therapy: Murder and Powerlessness 1

Entry Content: In some areas the dream was funny, strange and then ended violently. There is some sexual conversation, no abuse of children. Violent stabbing deaths. Mention of self injury. Dream: I was standing in line in a food court with two restaurants serving my favorite food on both sides, but I was in a […]

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Anxiety Dreams PTSD Siblings abused The People Behind My Eyes

Dream Therapy: Murder and Powerlessness 2

Feelings upon waking: Fearful. Fearful! I was trembling as my mind went over the crazy parts of this dramatic dream. After I woke I kept saying, ‘I’m sorry’ over and over again as if somehow dreaming something so violent was my fault. In addition to that guilt, there was guilt for not helping the man […]

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Abuse Art therapy Faces PTSD Siblings abused Sketchbook diary The People Behind My Eyes Tree Art

Wide

She had a wide range of peculiarities but one constant; her mouth was always wide open. Her violence frightened me as a child. The fact that she’s still alive makes me a bit uncomfortable. The woman with the split earlobe laughed loudly, sang loudly, slapped you on the back while laughing and did everything over […]

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Art therapy PTSD The People Behind My Eyes Therapy Review

Therapy Review: Actively seeking a loving mother

Content: Biological mother issues, emotional abuse, emotional walls, letting go Dr. D and I discussed grief over not having what he calls a healthy mother. I said I don’t grieve not having a healthy mother, I grieve not having my mother. I’ve been very clear over the years that what my heart sought most was […]

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Acrylic on Paper Art Artists Thoughts Experimental design Expressionsim Originals Paintings The People Behind My Eyes

The Unexpected Violin

It was to be a little girl in a red dress but it didn’t quite turn out that way. I realized early on that I am attached emotionally to this painting and that I wish to keep it for myself. Knowing I’m color sensitive, I changed the bright colors to those I can hang on […]