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(CRSD) Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy Chronic Pain Lupus The People Behind My Eyes

Quiet as planned. Eviction Update. Shifting Tides.

Saturday went well. The meal was nice but I skipped the wine and kept with tea. The movie was good and had no surprises or triggers since I knew what to expect. Tonight was baked tilapia, veggie wonton and steamed broccoli. It was good. Monday evening is tandoori chicken. It’s chicken and spices in a baking dish inside my […]

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(CRSD) Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy Artists Thoughts Lupus The People Behind My Eyes

Evening Plans – The Creative Plate

Dinner is cooking and my taste buds are smiling. There’s leg of lamb cooking in there. I’ll eat part of the lamb tonight and save the juices for an onion soup I have in mind. I’ve always eaten dinner late. I’m up until 2 or 3 am so an 8 pm dinner isn’t new for […]

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Digital Art I'm only human Surreal The People Behind My Eyes

Grief: Didn’t you know this would break us? 1

I didn’t know that grief would be accompanied by desperation to fill empty spaces. I used to require silence. It helped keep me calm so as not to be overwhelmed by stimuli. I now need to hear some type of program, film, theater, something. I need background noise to break the silence. Now, in silence, […]

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Children Digital Art I'm only human The People Behind My Eyes

Grief: Didn’t you know this would break us? 2

Content: suicide, anger, autopsy discussion, grief The world moves forward but I feel stuck. I can’t call my aunts or my sister or cousins to share the grief, to encourage or be encouraged. I often feel alone with this. I feel broken. I’ve vomited out my heart. I no longer have one. I tread waters […]

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Abuse I'm only human PTSD The People Behind My Eyes

Thoughts on victims, scapegoating and fair treatment

The rant comes from the last entry written and the helpful comment left. A few sessions ago Dr. D said something to me that made me flinch. He said, it seems important that you be treated fairly. I flinched because the word fair was used. It sounded so childish. He went on to explain that […]

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Dreams Multiple Personality Disorder PTSD The People Behind My Eyes Therapy Review

Dream: Stripped Bare. I’m not done.

Dr. D wanted me to think about the dream from May 22, 2017 that we discussed in our session. I went back and highlighted words for us to discuss in our next session. This dream brought up quite a bit. Dream: In the dream I got off an elevator and walked down the hallway to […]

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I'm only human PTSD The People Behind My Eyes

Therapy Review: Emotional leprosy and the complexities of death

Content: Brother’s suicide, anger, powerlessness, the complexities of death The day didn’t pass without painting.  I tried to focus on something other than life issues and lay color on paper. It felt good to do so. I’d been sipping Chamomile Bloom to keep myself calm which meant I wasn’t in hysterics at the time of […]

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I'm only human The People Behind My Eyes

Strings

Concerning my brother’s suicide For a self imposed insomniac, the night is early at half past ten. It still has a chance to end well if I get this off my chest and get back to watching old movies while eating over buttered popcorn. The thing is, I can’t stop crying when I hear stringed instruments. […]

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Abuse Chronic Pain Lupus Multiple Personality Disorder PTSD The People Behind My Eyes Therapy Review

Therapy Review: Break the Light

Content: Physical pain. Physical torture as a child. Mother and uncle standing in the doorway. Being watched as I shower. Reassuring myself that I’m safe. Robert’s session. When my pain level gets really high I get confused about why I’m in pain. When my eye lids hurt, when it hurts to talk, when I struggle […]

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Abuse I'm only human PTSD The People Behind My Eyes

How to Teach Hate

Snow took me to therapy. I chattered the entire time about why on earth Prez Trump would allow these men in the Oval Office itself. Is he losing it or acting? I asked the same question of my therapist who said he has the maturity of a 5 year old. He then said, “among other […]