I saw my psychiatrist today. We talked about the suicidal feelings. She asked if I feel suicidal at the Kingdom Hall. I said no, I feel like I can make it one more day. She and my psychologist suggested I stick close to the brothers and sisters. but especially try my best to be there in person.
I know my attitude stinks. I've got to pray much more about that......
Dr. D and I are taking on an art project where I let my body speak. Often I form experiences and emotions on canvas but they're from my head. They're all but photographs of my mind at that time. The rather large therapy painting will be a painting where body expresses itself as it goes through medical changes.
Imagine not speaking the language of anyone around you. Pictures are all you've got to tell how you experience the world, the world where there is only one person, one physical being. Now that body has to try and free itself of silence so that bitterness is released. It needs to speak and I can tell and I have a feeling this assignment will be very emotional, humbling and beneficial. I think I'll have a sense of freedom. I think it'll give me relief.
A moment of self talk
I want a cure. It's that simple, I want a cure.
I'm sorry Faith, not right now but this bitterness you're feeling, it'll kill your spirit and stop your heart. That cure you can control. You can control and cure the potentially deadly disease called bitterness.
There is no ribbon to say, I support the fight to stamp out bitterness.
Thank you for taking on the fight for that cure! You know your friends love you deeply, they truly do. But do you love you enough to keep fighting for yourself and for your loved ones? Like Brad said, I think you've got fight left in you. Get up. You can do this. You know what? Not only do your friends love you, but I love you too. Your friends are dedicated to you, invested in you as a person. Please Faith, renew your dedication to hope. Whatever form that hope comes in, please renew your dedication to self and to hope.
Green chai is in order.