Uncertainty. Discouragement.
Sobering concerns

I was in the hospital worried for my new family and my friends who have been through the storm with me. How can I ask them to stick this out, again?

I feel guilty about the news I got from test results. I wasn’t expecting it at all. A downloaded copy of my hospital visit says exactly what the doctor hand wrote on my discharge papers. He said, you need to follow up on this: “Avascular necrosis” (which is associated with the Lupus). When viewing my records for January 2022, I saw two instances where it showed up in scans. Why am I only hearing of this now?!

Honestly, when I found out what it is, I thought to myself; this joke isn’t funny. And I thought, how will I break Avascular necrosis to people after I just said I have Pseudotumor cerebri? I actually showed them the medical files on my portal because this is a lot to swallow. I fear people won’t believe me.

Drawn while in the hospital to help with anxiety. I was treated very well.
Sketched in hospital while waiting for testing

One day after getting back home, I was able to get in to see my primary doctor. He had no explanation for why I wasn’t informed of these important changes. However, he did say that beyond hip surgery (heck no) the only other treatment is opioids. He wrote me a script to use them 4x a day to take the edge off the pain. I accepted the script with zero intension of taking an opioid daily! I don’t need another problem in my life.

Joe Schmoe and hospital drawing

It’ll be used very sparingly. On days when pain is so high that I need an opioid, I will refrain from using Delta-8 bc I’m not trying to die.

I’d be lying if I said I’m not angry. I think mostly I’m in shock if not embarrassed.

I think I’ve reached my goal of this journal showing what life is like living day to day with Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID). How so? This is day to day life. Mental health issues haven’t taken a back seat to physical health issues. As a matter of fact, every experience I have is filtered through mental health lenses. In the middle of all this I’m having off the charts PTSD type nightmares to the point of falling out of the bed while trying run. Inner termoil and obsessive thoughts are also off the charts. And I’m still in MENOPAUSE! You know, I’m going to stop saying “I can’t multi-task” because clearly I can….

Fun Stuff

My caregiver C is going to help me get to the sunken gardens, Goodwill on the wealthy side of town ๐Ÿ™‚ and the the zoo. Hopefully a different friend can help me get to a major league baseball game. I can get us good parking.

Until soon,

Faith

No need to feel nervous, comment if you'd like.