Today I had plans. My body has other plans. I’m angry about the entire situation. I feel like I need to dump some emotions then make a reasonable schedule and agenda for the day.

I think when I have days like today I’m angered by the realization that the doctor never even told me that Avascular Necrosis (AVN) showed up a year ago on my MRI! That gets to me. You never said a word. It was after a full body MRI that the ER doctor told me to get it cared for.

My primary care doctor was treating side pain and tightness and constipation.

I reported drastic changes in my eyesight to my primary doctor a year ago. I reported pain on the left side so strong it drove me out of my mind. I even wrote I was having a mental breakdown. Yes, they did testing but the findings weren’t taken seriously. It just didn’t matter. I didn’t matter.

Looks like at the time I was dealing with new menopausal issues like skin crawling and itching and forgetfulness.

My other gripe is that in my records it shows how the knee cap and joint have increased degeneration. The knee was a problem as a kid. Nothing new there. But with the totality of my health issues I’m not able to walk without extreme pain, yet my records from this primary doctor say I don’t walk bc I’m morbidly obese. You kidding me? It’s like they’re in a totally different world. They’ve ignored their own test findings and withheld information this fat girl really needed. I can’t seem to get past them having valuable information they didn’t act on.

I have to find a new primarily doctor and a new psychiatrist. My psychiatrist left with zero warning. The office never even sent me a letter. She was so helpful. I’m worried. Will my current primary care doctor write psych scripts? I still see Dr D every Monday, sometimes Wednesday, too.

I’d like to mention that my wonderful caregiver is still with me. She’s been here since late February. I’ll enjoy her as long as she’s here.

So that’s where I am with all this stuff. Now I’m going to reset, breathe and see what I can get accomplished while managing this body of mine.


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