Face It

I painted this is 2007. It’s called Face It. The person is burdened, overwhelmed and isolated. The head is encircled and lowered. The world around her is complex and angry. I can relate to this painting in the place I’m in right now.

I can’t remove myself completely from the world but I can limit the amount of exposure I have to its toxicity. I mentioned four months ago that I need, for many reasons, to back off the internet, including writing health updates here on Sundrip. I mentioned that date is July 12th which is a bit over a month away. Well, I’m not going to put up a countdown clock or anything but I will stick to it. I’ll still publish art, artist thoughts and about the pets but July 12th I’ll write health issues and such under the private setting only.

I’ve written very little privately. I thought I’d write more. Still the blog is helpful because I can search it and read over things.

I’m in an interesting spot emotionally and mentally. I feel like the last few months have been good for healing. I’m still foggy, forgetful and generally unwell but I’m most definitely in a better place.

I’m three days off Cymbalta and on Wellbutrin 150 XL. I take it in the morning. The biggest difference getting off Cymbalta is the return of nerve pain such as feeling like a lightning bolt has gone through my fingers. The stump on the right side can become painful enough that I bury my face in the pillow so people won’t hear me scream. The pain is relatively short lived but it’s pretty bad. I’ve not noticed an increase in any other symptoms. Is it too soon to hope I don’t have increased withdrawal symptoms?

I know it seems crazy that the Nurse Practitioner suddenly changed to Wellbutrin when we were dead set on TrinteIlix but there are all sorts of details I wasn’t able to write in those short entries. One of the reasons for using Wellbutrin is to decrease the amount of time it takes to get on another med and benefit from it. It may have taken longer than I’ve got before finding a measure of relief.

Longer than I’ve got? Yeah. I’m not superwoman. I’m breakable. I can’t hold pain like this forever. We need to do something about this. She started saying it would be better to do this med transition in the hospital. Of course I wasn’t having it. She is now aware that I would fight her (in court) tooth and nail before I go back to the hospital, especially the psych ward. I told her no. I legally can’t be put in the hospital against my will, not even by court order because I’m not psychotic, suicidal or homicidal. I’m depressed and in need of a workable plan. The hospital is not a workable plan. Next subject please!

As it turns out, Wellbutrin is the next subject. I made the switch faster and can benefit more quickly. There’s also a side effect that concerned us both about the TrinteIlix. It can cause nausea and vomiting. Too much of that is risky for a person on blood thinners.

Last but certainly not least. Indiana is moving to make Delta-8 illegal. If the laws pass this summer, then by early next year it will be illegal to use or possess Delta-8. I just shake my head. I truly pray that it will remain legal in this state. I’m not going to break the law. I’ll have to find something else.


No need to feel nervous, comment if you'd like.