Category: Sunflowers

Sunflowers: Breaking The Mold

Posted on by F.Magdalene

I went outside the box and made her a red sunflower. I’m still working on the shape and size of the flower.

Going from yellow to red – black is a major “out of my comfort zone” type of sunflower, one I rarely do. I believe I’ve painted one single fully black sunflower but no more. I usually paint bright yellow sunflowers. While Mammoth Sunflowers are my favorite there are so many others to explore. I need a new short term art interest and finding new sunflowers to paint is it.

Sunflowers make me happy. Right now my heart is less than happy. I need to do something about that. I need sunflowers, lots of sunflowers. Bring on the sunflowers!

Faith Magdalene’s Sundrip

Steady. Unsteady. Park.

Posted on by F.Magdalene

The paint brush is steady.

I am not. So I keep painting.

Part of the problem is I really need a service dog. I’m willing to try again, even after the disaster that was. I said I’d give it a month to see if I still pine for a dog. It’s been a long month. I still need a service dog that doesn’t bite!

I just keep painting.

I’m working out some of the issues and planning the background and color scheme. I’ve revisited Little Black Bird as well as a few other bird related pieces.

Tomorrow I’m going to breakfast with a friend but most of the day I’m painting and working with the collection of plants. I named my home “Austin Park”. I suppose I should paint a nice little sign. I’d like that.

Until soon

Faith Magdalene

Abstract it is not

Posted on by F.Magdalene

I started working on an abstract sunflower when she was born. I went with it. It was more fun than the free flow of thought I intended to release.

I’ll work on this piece for a bit, which is on canvas, and maybe a small abstract still. We’ll see. I’m happy I didn’t give up!

Live Free. Create Well.

Faith MMagdalene

African American Female Clown

Posted on by F.Magdalene

More than a clown is about a once voiceless woman, alone in the dark with her makeup. She was just a clown. She painted on faces until finally someone believed believed she’s more than a clown.

Then hope set in. Flowers began to grow, birds sing their morning songs and bumblebees bring in more life. Yes, change, all around her. There’s hope now that she herself believes she’s more than a clown.

Please see my Etsy shop for purchase details. www.Sundrip.etsy.com

Faith Magdalene Austin at Sundrip

A little frustrated and it shows

Posted on by F.Magdalene

I intended to keep the colors brighter like always, shockingly bright, but this time darker colors felt right.

The rainbow was given a darker red and a mustard yellow stripe in a midnight blue sky. The clothing of the figures is in plum, dark red, green and blue.

As I worked I realized the high amount of frustration and anger associated with feeling like a freak; feeling broken if not shatteted. Line after line I drew myself shatteted for the last time! I will not do it again.

I felt so hidden behind the lines, even hidden from myself. I’ve described being a multiple like looking into carnival mirrors. It’s hard to know who is who. Well, I may not always know the who but I do know The Way.

I need hope too. I don’t feel hopeless but sometimes I feel like I’m in prison here. I wish I could leave. This isn’t my home anymore. However, I can’t just up and go in the middle of the night – won’t up and go like that. I’ll move somewhere safe, clean. One thing is for sure, there’s no more peace here.

The painting will be in the shop very soon. Check my Etsy.

Faith

You can. You will.

Posted on by F.Magdalene

I’m pleased to have been able to finish this piece with its color symbolism and Scripture favorites. I like Jonah a lot. It often feels like I’m in the belly of a big fish with no way out just like he was.

I love the original meaning of the rainbow and how it is on God’s thrown as a symbol of peace so I added that to the image.

I know for a fact that hope does not lead to disappointment.

The last part of the image shows three distinct figures, a date and two blue hearts. The black child’s hair is hearts. Of course there are sunflowers. There must always be sunflowers. 🙂

Faith

The Deluge – Now in Etsy

Posted on by F.Magdalene

The Deluge is complete and is in my Etsy shop. One of the things I point out about the balance. The woman standing has legs and feet that are wound around. Each foot meets a tiger lily, a child and a purple flower in full bloom.

It is haunting in some areas. Those are the areas to leave behind. Those are the areas of the past that I can’t take with me to the future that I am building here. I’m not going to another planet. I’m right here. But some of these things need to swim free because they no longer have a place here.

If you visit my Etsy it’s worded better 🙂 You may also purchase through PayPal. Please see appropriate email address on the contact me area.

Thank you for listening,

Faith

To Jorge II, With Love

Posted on by F.Magdalene

Remember the brown Dr Martens I was super in love with? I purchased them after someone gave a surprise donation via PayPal?

Well, I had to go back for the black ones 🙂

These shoes are very amputee friendly. I can dress myself which is huge. I feel so normal and like myself in them. There’s nothing about them that’s been altered to fit that ever changing stump. I now have two really cool shoes that expand just right.

I even got the black shoes nearly half off.

Dr. Martens for the win, again. I swear I want to write him a letter and tell him how his shoes make me feel normal. I wont cause that’s weird, but I’m really happy this style hit the market.

I’m also grateful for fun compression socks 🙂 Fun compression socks and these shoes? I don’t know what to do with myself!

Faith

A double shot of usefulness

Posted on by F.Magdalene

I’ve not shown off my Philodendron Hope plant in awhile. It’s growing out of two Betta tanks.

I’m going to clip it back soon and allow certain leaves to mature. It’ll look nicer cut back.

I have hope.

There’s no doubt about the hope I have, but the path to it feels difficult at times. Fear is enemy number one.

I know I have hope. I’m just having a hard time keeping my fingers on it.

Maybe it should be enough, the fact that I can see it and know it’s within arms reach.

Well, in typical artist fashion, I’ve got several projects in different stages all going at once. Still, I’m encouraged by the “I Believe” piece.

It seems to carry the same symbols as two other pieces, which is very interesting to me.

I’m so happy to be making art just for me! And I so love that one young girl’s hair is 3 hearts instead of round puffs. 🙂

OMGoodness I have fallen in love with collaging entire works with my own art scraps. How satisfying!

It makes me smile to paint here in this little place I’ve created; sipping tea, dabbing paint brushes, writing letters and such. Recently a naysayer called the entire apartment an ecosystem. He has no idea how happy that makes a girl like me.

I enjoy waking up to meaning, purpose and usefulness in my little ecosystem- apartment. I could use a double shot of usefulness about now.

Covid update – still running a fever. Unproductive cough, mostly at night. I still break out in a sweat which feels different from hot flashes. I have GI issues, a rash on my back, my scalp inexplicably itches, too. My blood pressure has dipped so low that I’ve passed out.

I ordered supplies from Amazon since getting to the store is out of the question. Coconut water, cheerios and of course jello were among many of the supplies. Why do I love jello so much?

Please excuse me, I’ve got some cuddling to do before the day begins.

Faith

Epiphany: A Future that is Mine

Posted on by F.Magdalene

CONTENT – Child Abuse. Strong emotion. Therapy Review. The art work is not finished but will eventually be in my Etsy shop.

If I believe I have a real future and a real hope, why do I keep wanting to go back and fix things? Why do I still feel like that little girl who needs her mother to love her?

No, it’s too late. I know she’s gone but I feel myself unable to give up. But not giving up the past means there’s less room for the wonderful future ahead, a future I firmly put faith in.

Today Dr D ask me if I could say anything to her what would I say? My words are in bold. I told her Don’t touch me! Don’t look at me! Keep away! You keep saying you’re going to give me a way, then do it!

That comment was interesting because the entire time I was talking to her I never said I love you or why don’t you love me? I never said hug me. I never said anything like that. It was it, Get away from me! Get away from me!

I didn’t want her to touch me ever again. I was angry about her watching me. I was angry about her letting others watch me. I was angry about all of the touch. I was angry about her destroying the mind of my sister. I was angry about her destroying the relationship I could have had with my sister. I just wanted her to go away. That was different from the feelings I thought I had. When I had the “spontaneous opportunity” to speak it was the voice of rage not a tiny, vulnerable child. That was incredible.

The artwork I’ve been doing lately shows exactly how I feel about my mother’s voyeurism. She was everywhere to the point that it was scary. Now that I think about it, if she stalked her boyfriend with us in the car of course she stalked my sister and me. And she wore that stupid black coat with the stupid hood looking like the grim reaper. She wasn’t holding anything, but dang! Standing in a pitch black hallway in a black trench coat watching people like a psychopath!

She told me she had people watching me and my sister and that nothing could be hidden from her. Dr D jumped in an said, “This is why you have DID.”

It was the most terrifying time of my life growing up with her and yet I thought I wanted that woman to love me. I wanted a little child me to go to her. To run to her. To be held by her.

Are you kidding me! No way! This is the woman who beat my lips with a wide tooth comb. Who beat my body with a towel rod. No. No. I have got to scrape this off of my heart so I can let myself have that future that’s so right in front of me. I’ve been crawling towards it. How do I scrape this off of me, the filth that she layered on me? The filth belongs to her. Whereas a future filled with hope is mine. I believe that with all my being.

Faith