The People Behind My Eyes – Page 11 – Faith Magdalene's Sundrip

Anxiety. Art. Gratitude.

Posted on May 31, 2020March 20, 2022 by F.Magdalene

The Sun Will Rise – Nightmares, Multiple Personality Disorder, eyes and flowers. Watercolor and ink 7 x 10

I’m still screaming and fighting in my sleep about things that happened two and a half decades ago. It makes me wonder if I will ever have peaceful sleep. I feel like I have a measure of peace in my waking hours but sleep is haunted, vicious.

I See – A deformed girl in a garden of eyes and flowers. Watercolor and ink. 7 x 10

Today my anxiety took a turn for the worse. I’ve started seeing things move out of the corner of my eye, things that aren’t there when I turn to see. I recognize this as a symptom of my anxiety. It’s a warning to me that I’ve got to put my best coping skills in the front so I can calm down.

Anxiety really got bad when I received an alert over my phone saying that Indiana is now under a curfew. What perilous times we live in. I was comforted by the fact that the elders from the Kingdom Hall (my place of worship) contacted me to let me know that there’s a curfew and I should take it seriously and be inside for my safety. They offered a few practical suggestions that also helped me feel safer and less anxious.

Tomorrow starts another day, one I do not feel will be any better than today. It will be a mess, but I will meet it with my head up and my heart full of hope.

This takes me to the newest purchase. First off, I sold 4 dolls and 7 art pieces in two weeks so I decided to buy something special for myself. I purchased a leather bound journal for my gratitude entries. I’m so happy with it. I love it.

I’ve got a special pen, given to me by a special friend, that I’ll use for this very special gratitude journal. It’s so pretty in person that I hesitated to write in it for two days. I wrote my first entry today which gave thanks for the people I’m surrounded by that are my family of choice.

Today I took the opportunity to express my love for family and friends by making calls and sending emails. I’m not quite finished yet. I want to make a tiny little difference in their day with an encouraging call, text or email. As I said, we live in perilous times and people are probably just as anxious as I’ve been. I guess I just want to recognize that by reaching out.

That’s all for this evening.

Faith

Sewing with a machine as an amputee

Posted on May 23, 2020March 20, 2022 by F.Magdalene

I sat down to hand sew dolls but my hands cramped and spasmed terribly. I thought I’d try to see if I could use my sewing machine despite half a foot amputated and despite significant nerve damage. I had my CNA bring it to the table but I didn’t try anything until after she left because I didn’t want to embarrass myself if I couldn’t properly feel and safely control the pedal.

There was all kinds of anxiety because I worried I’d press the pedal at the wrong time and sew my hand or something. Anxiety was high but so was my drive to find out if I could do it and save myself some pain while making dolls.

When I turned it on I acclimated myself to how the pedal felt under my foot. I got my brain to recognize the new sensation without automatically recoiling. After a few minutes I pushed the pedal with the machine turned off. I got used to that and got brave enough to turn it on.

I’m so happy I tried. I’ve used the machine several times now and what I discovered is that the nerve damage affects sewing ability. Sometimes the stump hurts too much to add any pressure at all or I can’t feel or control the stump enough to press the pedal. Those issues prevent me from regularly using the machine, but when I can I will use it to my advantage.

It’s been a week since I’ve used the sewing machine but when I was able I sewed the hands and legs for six dolls.

My hands want to give me trouble and my feet are a mess but between the two I am able to offer up dolls I’m proud of. They’re now about 25% sewn by machine but 100% homemade. I still hand paint the flesh tone, put it all together by hand and hand stitch in the hair. I still hand draw and hand paint the faces. The only thing that has changed is using the machine to create the arms and legs. Later down the road I may use the machine to help make the doll’s dress. We’ll have to see where my confidence leads me.

As mentioned in my last entry, I’ve started making bears again. I’m not using the machine with these which means it’s taking longer to finish them. I will post my finished products as soon as possible.

Until soon….

Faith

Self distancing and art journal

Posted on March 17, 2020March 20, 2022 by F.Magdalene

Self distancing is not as “easy” as I thought it would be. The first few days there was loneliness and anxiety. I’m not sure if it’s anxiety all from the coronavirus or if it’s anxiety because the coronavirus is on the back of the shots and insurance saga without a single second to recharge. Frankly, I’m a bit stressed and feeling needy.

In mmy watercolor art piece I added a drawing of all the things I ðŸ’œ that I am holed up with. Tea, fish, art itself, my frogs, snails and of course Joe the cat.

At this time I’m letting in very few people, three of which are my CNAs. Well, we kind of got into a little spat over the art piece Spring Mary because the CNA thinks the skin is too dark, she should smile and her hair isn’t long enough. I asked if she’s buying the piece and since she’s not AND has not constructive criticism to offer then she should silence herself.

The art piece Mary Spring was a tipping point. At least 5 other art pieces have been met with brutal nagging about skin color and such. I had enough!

The last art piece included is an acrylic drawing I did of me walking at night in the grass. I wrote a tad about the argument.

All art is done in my 7 x 10 watercolor pad which I totally love. I love how each media looks on this paper which is 140lb paper with a nice tooth. I so ðŸ’œ paper. Sorry for such dark photos, though.

Faith

Panic Attacks

Posted on March 15, 2020March 20, 2022 by F.Magdalene

I’m not sure what my problem is but I’ve been having panic attacks lately. Today’s panic attack included holding my chest, fast breathing and vomiting. I’m not sure what is causing it but it started over a week ago. I talked about it in therapy.

I’m doing some deep breathing as well as keeping my eyes open so as not to close into myself. I’m hanging out with the cat and watching the aquarium fish. I’ve also done several journal pages.

Wine in Time is done in watercolor and ink in watercolor paper pad. 7×10.

Panic Scramble was created with acrylics and ink in a watercolor paper pad. It’s also 7×10 inches.

Faith

Betta Sorority Aquarium

Posted on March 1, 2020March 20, 2022 by F.Magdalene

My cat Joey suffers from dry skin and needed a humidifier to add moisture to the air. I decided to do an aquarium set up instead of an ugly humidifier.

In order to get the aquarium I sold off 4 of my small aquariums then snagged the 20 gallon long with heater, rocks and a filter on the side. I kept a three gallon aquarium gift given to me. ðŸ˜ That has a female Betta in it, too. I like the females a lot better because males seem to be drama queens.

The new aquarium isn’t finished. I need more submerged plants. I’m not sure when that will happen but for now it’s got Pothos and Bamboo stalks on top, as you can see. I’m just going to add some Crypts and Java Ferns then leave it alone. I’ll have 7 female Betta only.

So, that is my newest muse, a Betta Sorority that acts as a humidifier for my fur baby Joe.

Faith

Work in Progress: The Rescuer

Posted on February 25, 2020March 20, 2022 by F.Magdalene

I started this painting a few years ago but just couldn’t get it so I used gesso and removed everything I want to change. I’ve put the painting on the easel and will turn it and look at it from all angles for the next few days. This will help me to know which direction I’m going with it.

In my little studio apartment I’ve got all the art I’m working on sitting out. This means my CNA and other visitors can see it. I’m not all the way comfortable with this but there’s basically nowhere to put work in progress other than right here in the open so I can see it. I used to have my studio in my bedroom and had all the privacy I needed to work. I could hang work in progress without anyone seeing it. That’s not the case anymore.

Today the nurses assistant saw the piece The Rescuer and said, “This has to mean something. You didn’t just put anything on paper. This has to mean something to you.” What she said wasn’t critical at all just inquisitive. Because the art is just out there I can’t say anything about her viewing it but it still puts me on the spot. It feels like I’m exposed. I’ll have to get used to that because I have no intention of moving to a bigger space where I’m afforded more privacy. This is home. Super tiny yet perfect. Gotta work with it.

So what does The Rescuer mean to me? I look at the person in blue and see myself being pulled up. I see the person in brown as me, too. I’m pulling myself out of a sea of past memories, past abuses. What is the large head facing the left? That is me also. It’s the only figure with some noticeable features. She’s looking away from all she needs to be rescued from.

The painting will become more and more personal I’m sure. I hope to work in the evenings and let it dry over night so that I can place it in a spot that doesn’t spotlight it. Even if this doesn’t happen, I’ll eventually become more comfortable with others viewing art that is personal. I don’t have to give any information on it. I can always say something like, “It’s a fantasy piece” or “It’s just surreal type artwork, don’t read too much into it.” Whatever I say, it doesn’t have to be all my business. However, it would be a good idea to have my comment in mind before I have to use it, this way I can say it naturally and cut the conversation short.

I look forward to finishing The Rescuer and seeing what comes of her. I’ll post it when she’s finished.

Faith

The Invisible Children

Posted on February 20, 2020March 20, 2022 by F.Magdalene

The Invisible Children is a haunting and surreal scene of sunflowers at night, a full moon, ravens flying and figures in the flowers at the base of a large, bare tree. It is a dark, fluid piece, full of small details.

Art Title: The Invisible Children
Art by: Faith Magdalene Austin
Media: Acrylic paint, ink, paper
Size: 5.5 x 8.5, unmounted, raw art

Please visit me in my Etsy shop for original art, such as above, and handmade dolls.

www.Sundrip.etsy.com or contact me at SundripJournals@gmail.com for a PayPal invoice.

Thank you for visiting Sundrip

Faith

A Look Back at Art Projects

Posted on February 19, 2020March 20, 2022 by F.Magdalene

I’ve been updating the galleries here on Sundrip and ran across some art pieces I’ve not seen in a little bit. I thought I’d share some of them with you.

Honorable is an art piece that started all the art therapy pieces. I can even remember the assignment and who gave it. I look at this art with the humble young woman and umbrella and feel a sense of peace.

Beckoning is a painting created close to the same time as Honorable. Beckoning shows a young girl either accepting gifts or freeing herself. I could never decide which I was trying to say with this piece.

I created her with a program that is no longer in existence, way back before digital drawing tablets were popular and before Photoshop was widely available. I used my computer mouse and painted each part of her, one stroke at a time.

Looking Forward – a digital piece with a lot of detail but also a lot of sky and a huge star of hope. A hand comes out of the mountains and holds a young girl to looks forward and into her new life. She’s being given a new lease on life.

I love her butterfly wings and the graceful way she sits.

These three paintings are a glimpse into what you’ll find in the newly designed Digital Arts Gallery here on Sundrip – Art for Life. To see all available digital prints for your home please visit my Redbubble shop.

Faith

What If. Art Thoughts.

Posted on January 7, 2020March 20, 2022 by F.Magdalene

All ‘what if’ roads lead to nowhere.

I got to thinking, what if I get this art table but I still don’t paint? Then of course my head took off, so I decided to sit in my wheelchair at the dinner table and paint a ‘what if’ road map.

What if I struggle with the idea of changing my apartment to something new? Do I want to deal with this change?

After flipping out a bit I realized that I am more than ready for this change.

I’m going to set aside $50 for the table now so that next month I can add the other $50 and make this much needed adjustment. The art table I have now is simply too tall.

Until I get the new art table I’ll use the dinner table very, very carefully. I use my dinner table for letter writing too and the last thing I want is for it to look like an art table with paint all over it. It’s already old and beat up but paint spill free. I’m ok with spills and such on the art table though.

Dr D asked if I think my art will change subject matters once I truly paint again. Well, we’ll see soon, won’t we?

Jordan

A Snail’s Life

Posted on May 24, 2019April 16, 2022 by F.Magdalene

I’m in need of advice. I need a snail whisperer. If you are a person who knows about snails please leave a comment on the blog. The following is all the info I can think to provide.

The basics. Here’s the thing, I’ve got 4 adult Helix Aspersa, larger than a US quarter and three small babies in a planted terrarium with a mesh screen top. At first it was rather dry but now it seems wet. With it being wet they’re out more. They eat and crawl around then go to the top to sleep or sleep on the glass then do it again the next day. With a wetter environment I’ve seen a lot more activity.

Husbandry. Their terrarium is taller than wide at 12 inches by 18 inches. I lightly spritz the bio-active environment twice a day with spring water. There are crushed eggshells in the black soil. They have Sycamore bark and wood as well as a small thriving fern. I allow one of the carrots to sprout in the terrarium because it provides ready greens for them. Also provided is a small pool of spring water that is changed every 2 days. The pool has pond stones in it so that no one drowns. I wipe down the terrarium glass every other day and pick up any droppings that I see.

Food. I feed at night then take the left over food out in the morning. They seem to be most active at night. I feed the snails stuff like raw carrots, apples, soft banana, zucchini, eggplant and green, leafy vegetables. I’ve got a list from the net of healthy foods to give to them. They love carrots and eggplant the most but I’m not sure if it’s okay to feed them eggplant so I’ve stopped. I know not to feed them striped eggplant.

A month ago I began to dust their food with a calcium supplement which means that all three of their non-veggie foods provide calcium. The three foods are: Reptomin, Fluker’s High Calcium Cricket Diet and Fluker’s Repta Calcium with Vitamin D3, Phosphorus Free. The reason they’re eating the cricket and frog food is because I have crickets and frogs. If I need to get them a different snail food I will, but right now I just crumble and moisten what I have.

Now for mating. Early spring there was a lot of mating going on but that has stopped. I still check for eggs often. I lost three snails after they laid eggs. I’d like to know if there’s something I can do to better assist them in their recovery?

I got rid of most of the eggs but a few baby snails I allowed to remain. Those snails are getting big and their shells seem healthy. They’re living in with the adults.

If there’s anything else I should be doing, any snail tips that a snail whisperer knows, I’d certainly love to hear from you. Provided in this entry are photos of my set up and of the snails.