I’ve got 2 new CNAs right now. I talked to the company and told them how I’ve been feeling about the loss of care every few months. I feel like a failure, I said. I feel like people think it’s all my fault and that maybe people simply don’t like me after awhile. The manager […]
Category: Lupus
I sat down to hand sew dolls but my hands cramped and spasmed terribly. I thought I’d try to see if I could use my sewing machine despite half a foot amputated and despite significant nerve damage. I had my CNA bring it to the table but I didn’t try anything until after she left […]
I’ve concentrated more on sewing dolls and bears (yes teddy bears) than I have on painting, however, I’ve not neglected my art therapy journal. I tend to pick it up at night and doodle what I’m feeling or I paint during my therapy session. A few entries I chose to publish here are significant in […]
I don’t know if I should cry or fall to my knees and pray. Wow. Ok so, my Saturday CNA is being tested for COVID-19 during which time I was instructed to quarantine alone. No care. No CNAs. No nurses. Just me. This should be interesting. There’s a lot going through my head right now. […]
May 7th will be two years with the amputation. Funny, my therapist still can’t say that word. He just says, ‘the operation.’ I think the only thing that really makes me sad is not yet being able to wear shoes. I thought I could but not yet. I purchased a pair I thought I could […]
I keep sewing and painting through the pain. If I stop for too long I begin to panic. I made it through the April rains into May, which I hope is a smoother, less painful ride. I’m a bit tearful and tired and hope to sleep soon because I really can’t stand this. I can […]
I don’t have a single subject or a lengthy one, just fragmented thoughts. I need contact with the outside world. I don’t necessarily have to go outside often, but I need people to come here. I fear getting coronavirus and being completely isolated with it. I wouldn’t be able to have my CNAs if I […]
Me smiling. I laugh more than I smile. Recently I’ve had more to smile about. I feel as if I’ve gotten my second wind. I’ve got a lot more confidence concerning the world situation and feel safe and okay at home. The world is still big but doesn’t feel so big I can’t manage stress. […]
I go from sleepless nights to straight fatigue with an undercurrent of panic and impatience. I’ve vomited and stressed myself right into an outbreak all over my chest. I can’t get Benadryl until April 1st. Man. I’ve got a doctor’s appointment the 30th of this month. I wish I could cancel. I’ve got to calm […]
I feel like I always do, a little under the weather and a lot in pain, and that’s how I plan to keep it. I am now self distancing from the general public. I need my CNAs so they can come, but no one else can enter and I’m not leaving. I don’t even have […]