Category: Artists Thoughts

Sunflowers: Breaking The Mold

Posted on by F.Magdalene

I went outside the box and made her a red sunflower. I’m still working on the shape and size of the flower.

Going from yellow to red – black is a major “out of my comfort zone” type of sunflower, one I rarely do. I believe I’ve painted one single fully black sunflower but no more. I usually paint bright yellow sunflowers. While Mammoth Sunflowers are my favorite there are so many others to explore. I need a new short term art interest and finding new sunflowers to paint is it.

Sunflowers make me happy. Right now my heart is less than happy. I need to do something about that. I need sunflowers, lots of sunflowers. Bring on the sunflowers!

Faith Magdalene’s Sundrip

Paranoia, Fear, OCD and Art

Posted on by F.Magdalene

My caregivers take me in the community regularly. They assume their presence is enough to keep me calm and feeling safe and grounded. I’d say the statement is 75% true. My anxiety after being stalked has risen. It wasn’t a joke. It wasn’t a game. It was a lot longer than a year! And it was violent and intense! I’m happy to be safe now.

I’m not paranoid in my new home any more than I’ve ever been paranoid. I don’t think being stalked changed that level. I’m back to my old fears, obsessions and compulsions in the new place. Like always I’ve kicked into my coping skills.

Reality check – Can I validate my fears? Are they in the realm of possibility?

Grounding. Remind myself of who I am and that I’m safe. My name is XYZ. I’m X yrs old. I’m safe now! I have an friends, an apartment and most of all a future!

Stimulation / Distraction. It’s time to switch the channels. I have a small vile with me that has the tiniest little bit of lavender in it. It’s my on the run aromatherapy. I also carry a small scratch pad to sketch in because art works for me. Earthing, sitting by the fan or just going outside can help eleviate stress and get it back down to a manageable level.

I would not normally suggest using a tablet at the table in a restaurant but I do it regularly now. I’ve done it in line at Ross because the line was long. The new Five Bellow needs to open more registers but this entry isn’t about that LOL. I sketch at any time, any place in order to control the anxiety, especially if I’ve already tried lavender.

Usually by this time the CNA has picked up on my sketching and starts to ask questions. She kicks into CNA mode and we move to the side for just a bit.

There are times when I can catch my breath and we can proceed but other times I just want to go home. In the car my pen moves like crazy.

OCD Getting all my teeth pulled was the single best thing I could have done. The tooth brush was simply too much.

Bidet. Yeah, should have done this a long time ago, too. It’s difficult to use the restroom. Difficult to clean up especially if there are issues.

The disorder is not fun. I’m trying to manage. I see the new psychiatrist August. That feels like… is... forever.

Faith Magdalene

Baby Black Bird

Posted on by F.Magdalene

Zuri is a female juvenile redwing blackbird still new in her wings. Landing is still difficult, thus the broken wing.

Zuri isn’t alone, I too am having difficulties. I can’t seem to finish the flowers on this painting or manage the sky above. I need to redo her arms. I’m so dissatisfied with them.

The art piece is very textured, shaded, layered and embellished. Which means there’s more than the main image itself. There will be many aspects to enjoy once she’s completed.

I’m not going back easel. I’m too frustrated. I’m going to break from her, do an abstract and revisit.

Until soon

Faith Magdalene

Project Reflections

Posted on by F.Magdalene

I clearly remember the first and last brush strokes of the painting, More Than A Clown.. They were equally moving.

By the time I got the features together I remember the feeling this project was huge, different, emotionally powerful.

I was going to to have to tell a story in color, on her face. A story of someone not taken seriously, not listened to , unseen by people who refused to see. I was going to paint it all; including the parts where they laughed thinking they’d won.

The last expression would be through her hair. Red, blue and purple flames licked the sky all around. The flames licked but did not scorch in the garden where she stood. The name of the garden is Hope. As it is said, “You only start a garden if you hope to see it grow.”

The young woman knows she holds hope in her hands…. and sunflower seeds. I knew I’d have to paint all my that. And I I did. I know it’s a deep piece but ha! it’s her truth and mine.

Live Free. Create Well.

Faith Magdalene’s Sundrip

They Call Me Ladybug

Posted on by F.Magdalene

Somehow, at age 54 I’ve picked up a new nickname, Ladybug.

Two of my caregivers who don’t know one another call me Ladybug.

It’s the strangest thing.

My younger parts like it.

We don’t draw or paint them. This is one of the first we’ve done. It makes me want to go read about them.

I like bugs quite a bit.

Faith Magdalene

We are Enough

Posted on by F.Magdalene

It came in the mail. I’m so happy to wear mine!

You are enough. The world is a better place with you in it.

Love, the person in front you.

I’ve gotten one person respond with a heartfelt thank you. I’ve gotten tears, a thanks from a boy who felt confident in his youth. One lady saw a way to make fast money, another said the world is a better place with me in it, too. Thank you for that!

I love this shirt.

Live Free. Create Well. Sundrip.

Tea and Snuggle Strength

Posted on by F.Magdalene

Joe is a guardian cat. A watching feline. A gentle whiskered friend whom I adore. It’s just that sometimes the psychosis pushes me away from him a little, away from people a little. I want to isolate.

I have to force myself to accept this new mental weirdness and fear. I wear paranoia. I’m dripping in it. I only know to fill my cup and clean my paint brushes. Art it out!

Covid-19 handed me a fever high enough to leave permanent hallucinations and damage, for which I feel shame. But my cat Joe still finds me palatable to love and be seen cuddling, openly. His love gives me a little more strength to keep going.

What goes in your cup of trials and stress to dilute it so you can do one more day ? 🙂

Tea cup art by Faith Magdalene Austin

Awake Stroke Recovery Art

Posted on by F.Magdalene

Finishing “Awake” took much effort but it is here, reworked, beaming with color and striking details.

Bellow are my comments.

I woke to a new existence somewhere unknown, they called it a stroke. Now words come like slow snails, or they are kidnapped so as not to form on my chapped lips. 

I painted the emotional roller-coaster I felt as I played tug of war with my body, emotions, speech and interpersonal relationships. Ultimately I felt lost, defeated and misunderstood. I also thought I’d never paint again.

Grueling therapy and persistence with paint brushes helped me get to the point where I can say I’m awake. I’m awake to what has happened and the I’m happy the hardest part of it is behind me. Awake is about surviving the body after stroke and making it my new home.

You will find more images and a short video on Etsy. I also accept PayPal.

Thank you for letting me talk. Thank you for visiting SUNDRIP Art for Life.

Faith Magdalene

Another Long Day

Posted on by F.Magdalene

I wonder if my cat hates my job every bit as much as I hated my mother’s profession? How many times have I said to Joe Schmoe, “Here I come?” but made him wait a long time in dead silence? How many times have I sworn to take a break? “Really, here I come.” Sometimes he looks lonely. I worry he feels ignored just like I did.

Instead of papers and pencils it’s paint brushes and canvas.

I enjoy brushing Joe and chatting at him. The aides adore him and take over loving on him; and I let them. When they leave it goes back to being me and him in silence.

He’s sleeping in bed with me again. He sleeps by my head, curled up, back to me, in silence. It’s always so quiet in here.

I’m at the table, back to Joe. Right now I can only hear the trickle of the waterfall in the Betta tank. Ah, but what is this? Joe has turned the tide? He came to sit beside me and break being apart in silence. He kissed my hand and lay beside me. I’ve got to go. There’s no way I can do anything but spend a few moments with him just as he is asking.

My heart is smiling. The day has been given a great gift.

Faith Magdalene

A little frustrated and it shows

Posted on by F.Magdalene

I intended to keep the colors brighter like always, shockingly bright, but this time darker colors felt right.

The rainbow was given a darker red and a mustard yellow stripe in a midnight blue sky. The clothing of the figures is in plum, dark red, green and blue.

As I worked I realized the high amount of frustration and anger associated with feeling like a freak; feeling broken if not shatteted. Line after line I drew myself shatteted for the last time! I will not do it again.

I felt so hidden behind the lines, even hidden from myself. I’ve described being a multiple like looking into carnival mirrors. It’s hard to know who is who. Well, I may not always know the who but I do know The Way.

I need hope too. I don’t feel hopeless but sometimes I feel like I’m in prison here. I wish I could leave. This isn’t my home anymore. However, I can’t just up and go in the middle of the night – won’t up and go like that. I’ll move somewhere safe, clean. One thing is for sure, there’s no more peace here.

The painting will be in the shop very soon. Check my Etsy.

Faith